Supragal Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I know it's a repost and also an internet regular but I find it highly amusing so I thought I'd post it up. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious --classic! P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittyclaws Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 they are good, I think they are in fact taken from the US Airforce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittyclaws Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995. US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course. CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course! US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!! CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
how_supra Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 haha i like themm. never heard any of um before Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ark Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Believe it or not...this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995. US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course. CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course! US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!! CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call. That's one of the oldest urban myths in the navy: http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm Still funny though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymanuk Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trig Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 classic. always makes me chuckle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adman Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 You should all be worried.... Along with some other people on the site, I'm an aircraft engineer [sHOCK][/sHOCK] and these responses to the tech log problems are standard stock. If a problem is registered, we have to write down the problem, what we done to overcome the problem and what the condition of the the problem is now. I had one before, the pilot wrote "Radio tuning knob on pilots Radio Control Panel stiff to operate"... I checked it and it was fine, so I responded with "Radio tuning knob on pilots RCP checked satis, nill faults, suggest more Corn Flakes for breakfast" A few days later I got pulled into the office and was told to stop being a wise ass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
squiffy Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 love the midget one! pmsl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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