Aledgedly from high school essays......

[Ewen]

Dodgy analogies, silly similes & crazy metaphors

 

~ Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

 

~ His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free.

 

~ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

 

~ She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

 

~ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

 

~ Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

 

~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

 

~ The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

 

~ From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

 

~ Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

 

~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

 

~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

 

~ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

 

~ He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

 

~ Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

 

~ The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

 

~ The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

 

~ The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

 

~ He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

 

~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

 

~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

 

~ He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

[Animal]

~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

 

~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

 

 

 

Oh, man - them had me in tears! So funny.

[ivan]

 

Thanks Ewen.

[Scoboblio]

Ace!!!

[Havard]

Cracking!! Like a lot of them.

 

H.

[JohnA]

These are good.

[Marty]

:D

[SupraStormRising]

At a guess i'd say mostly American students..! Am I right?

[fishman]

[Dr_Doom]

:d