Old uns' but good uns' Bit naughty.

[Chris Wilson]

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.

Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says,"G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag but you're a real sport too."

 

There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.

The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked.I didn't even know she had a willy."

 

Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town,as they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.

"Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.

Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?"

Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"

 

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision

to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where

the heart would be."On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

 

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things:

1- The bartender is a blonde girl.

2- The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3- I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.

5- The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,"Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

 

[Muffleman]

Brilliant

[JamesC]

Some good uns there!

[Gaz Walker]

excellent Chris

[sooper-supra]

awesome

[neil tt]

Old but still funny:d

[Havard]

Very good!! The Will Young one got me....

 

H.

[supra61]

like the blond joke was married to a blond(long time ago)it was bad enough with just one but 5 nooo.

[penguin]

nice! well done brucey

[ivan]

Yep - oldies but all very good.

[Sharpie]

[RobSheffield]