MarkTheBoy Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 A recent magazine survey interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: If Women Drink ... Beer Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth. Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass. Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink. Water Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship. Approach: Don’t. Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask) Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation. Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc. Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue. Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in. Cape Velvet Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart. Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub. Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.) Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked. Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait....... IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut) Cider He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid. Cheap Domestic Beer He’s poor / student and wants to get laid. Castle Lager Beer He likes good beer and wants to get laid. Imported Beer He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid. Guinness The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another. Water He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid Wine He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid. Vodka or Brandy Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid. Port Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid. Whisky He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid. Jack Daniels Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid. Rum or Tequila Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid. Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Class One Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Oh well, that makes me sophisticated and I like men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr lover Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 well according to that i am getting laid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil tt Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Vodka or Brandy Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid Sounds about right to me:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burna Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Clearly I'm not fussy and will drink anything Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkTheBoy Posted April 27, 2007 Author Share Posted April 27, 2007 Vodka or Brandy Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid Sounds about right to me:d Would shag a warm scarf... Love that line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2JG Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 lol, guess that makes me underage and extremely horny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Class One Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Clearly I'm not fussy and will drink anything Never a truer word..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham S Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Never thought about a warm scarf, but if my Mrs doesn't put out tonight it may cross my mind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mas Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I didn't see you mention Sex on the beach mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.