SupraStormRising Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Classic and very funny "Quantas Problem Solving" After every flight, Qantas' pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P= the problem logged by the pilot.) (S= the solution and action taken by mechanics.) P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough. S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. P: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Gave me a giggle especially as it's from real reports Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Multiple repost i think still humerous tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 You are doing well this evening!! H. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 "Quantas Problem Solving" ... P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Why would a Qantas plane have target radar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStormRising Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Mmm Jake this is from Quantas don't ask me however I would imagine the target radar is for beacon aquisition at airports... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jspec Germany Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Don't mean to piss on your parade, but I actually read that these came from Air Force form 781 entries. Most airliners don't have a "target radar". The thing about never crashing is B.S. too. Qantas had fatal aviation accidents in 1927, 1934, 1942, 1943 (2), 1944, 1951, and then a non-fatal crash landing in 1999. There was another accident in 2005. More background: It is often claimed, most notably in the movie Rain Man, that Qantas has never had a fatal crash. However, the company's official line is that it has never lost a jet aircraft. Prior to the jet era, Qantas had fatal crashes. One was on 16 July 1951, when De Havilland Drover VH-EBQ crashed in New Guinea after an engine failure, killing all 7 passengers and crew. Other fatal accidents occurred in 1927, 1934, 1942, 1943 (2), and 1944. Qantas' record in the jet era was spotless until Boeing 747-400 VH-OJH over-ran the runway by 220 metres while landing in a rainstorm at Bangkok in 1999. [1] There were no fatalities; however, the Australian Transport Safety Bureau criticised numerous inadequacies in Qantas' operational and training processes. [2] Repairs to the nine-year-old aircraft cost in excess of A$100 million and it was suggested at the time that this expense was to solely avoid a hull-loss being recorded, a claim Qantas denied. The following year 747-300 VH-EBW was damaged when its landing gear collapsed while taxiing at Rome. It also returned to service after repairs. The most recent incident was on 21 August 2005 and involved Qantas Airbus A330-300 VH-QPE with 178 passengers and 13 crew aboard. The aircraft made an emergency landing at Kansai Airport in Osaka, Japan after an indication of smoke in the cargo hold. The Osaka Control Tower reported seeing smoke on landing so an emergency evacuation was declared as a precaution and emergency slides were deployed. 9 passengers were injured and hospitalised. The aircraft was since inspected but no signs of smoke or fire were found. It is believed that the cargo fire sensors were faulty and caused an inaccurate reading. The aircraft was only 15 months old at the time of the incident. Great post though, I haven't seen it in years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cable Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 lol, not seen that before I liked this one the most P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s3upra Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Well it had me in stitches,regardless:d Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStormRising Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Piss away makes interesting reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jspec Germany Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Oh I agree... There's actually many more. I'll see if I can find some of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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