RedM Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I know someone with a DeLorian. I'll go and see for myself then post up my findings when i get back. Ok i'm back. My findings are........Marylin Monroe was shit in bed. yeah but Marilyn Monroe was awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveK Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 yeah but Marilyn Monroe was awesome. There was just something about her. Absolutely gorgeous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrHanky Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 If the bible was a first hand account of the events and characters it describes, then maybe it would have a little credence. As it stands, it is merely a collection of anecdotes that have gone through various stages of translation and interpretation. I'm sure that science and technology will one day prove that many characters and events therein are based on fact, but that will not in itself prove the fundemental basis of the religion that the bible represents. I can quite easily believe that Jesus, Noah, David etc etc existed, and that they became folklore for whatever reasons that were important to the masses at the time (would Ghandi or Elvis have been labelled the son of god in ancient, less knowledeable times ?). What I have a problem with is that the accepted interpretation of this game of chinese whispers that has gone on for millenia, is so willingly taken as factual evidence of a creator or god. Nonsense such as Eve being created from the rib of Adam, and that all mankind are descendants of their incestuous offspring is frankly laughable, yet millions of intelligent people willingly subscribe to the story, simply because they have been taught it as if it were fact, so it must be true. It is possible to lead a good life following the values extolled by christianity and other religions, without being blackmailed into becoming 'a believer' by the fear of eternal damnation in the fires of hell. Some find it easy, but obviously some need the carrot of everlasting afterlife in heaven to keep them on the path of decent, caring, generous humanity. Now I myself do not believe in God etc. Despite the fact that my dad was a Jehovah's witness and my mum later on in life a mormon, I remember very little about those crappy days when I was forced to go Kingdom Hall etc (mormon church was slightly better as it had a basketball hoop ). So forgive me religious folk if I have got this wrong, but if God does exist and I lead a life of sin... can't I still get into heaven just by saying sorry etc etc? If so bonus Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bobbling Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Now I myself do not believe in God etc. Despite the fact that my dad was a Jehovah's witness and my mum later on in life a mormon, I remember very little about those crappy days when I was forced to go Kingdom Hall etc (mormon church was slightly better as it had a basketball hoop ). So forgive me religious folk if I have got this wrong, but if God does exist and I lead a life of sin... can't I still get into heaven just by saying sorry etc etc? If so bonus Mark Unless you repent and accept Jesus into your life, then no. It's not just saying sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Now we are at the entrance to heaven, at the pearly gates where Saint Peter is welcoming the newcomers. It is a long, seemingly interminable, job. One day Jesus appears and tells Peter that he can have a rest, that he will stand in for him, so Peter goes inside and Jesus stands there in the swirling mist at the gates. Shortly afterwards an old man comes towards him, towards the gates of heaven, and appeals to Jesus, saying "I am looking for my son." "Well", says Jesus, "a lot of people pass through here, but tell me about him and we will see what we can do." "Ok", says the old man, "One of the strange things about my son is that he was not born as other men were born, of a woman and a man." "That is unusual", says Jesus, a little surprised. "And there is another thing", says the old man; "He has a hole in each of wrists here and here, and holes there and there in his ankles." Jesus leans forward to see the man better, and peering through the mist says "Father?" The old man moves closer, gazing more intently, and says.... "Pinocchio?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian W Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 just what the thread needed, Ewen. nice one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 so i take weve now skipped the evolution bit,and the endless stars and planets cr*p and are now back onto god whether he exists and if jesus was made up or not? this thread is confusing...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 this thread is confusing...... This thread is evolving Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian W Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 This thread is evolving aaah, but it was first created Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I do not believe in the existence of this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 or was this thread made up of loads of stories added together over time and then rewritten time and time again??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 aaah, but it was first created Well, thats thrown me,,,more JD required Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveK Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Now we are at the entrance to heaven, at the pearly gates where Saint Peter is welcoming the newcomers. It is a long, seemingly interminable, job. One day Jesus appears and tells Peter that he can have a rest, that he will stand in for him, so Peter goes inside and Jesus stands there in the swirling mist at the gates. Shortly afterwards an old man comes towards him, towards the gates of heaven, and appeals to Jesus, saying "I am looking for my son." "Well", says Jesus, "a lot of people pass through here, but tell me about him and we will see what we can do." "Ok", says the old man, "One of the strange things about my son is that he was not born as other men were born, of a woman and a man." "That is unusual", says Jesus, a little surprised. "And there is another thing", says the old man; "He has a hole in each of wrists here and here, and holes there and there in his ankles." Jesus leans forward to see the man better, and peering through the mist says "Father?" The old man moves closer, gazing more intently, and says.... "Pinocchio?" My g/f wanted to know why I suddenly laughed out loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrHanky Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Unless you repent and accept Jesus into your life, then no. It's not just saying sorry Well if it gets to the stage where I die and see the gates of heaven then I would have to be plain stubborn to doubt then. So I will not have a problem in accepting then Job done once more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 its phisically impossible for heaven to exsist but science is only defined by how we perceive it and write laws about it so who knows,is science wrong or the bible Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyP Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I don't know if God exists or not. No-one does. However, I for one, do not believe, and, in fact, I hate religion. All religions. This joke explains why. I do think it's very funny but also very sad because it is so true. I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off. As far as I'm concernered religion=intolerance=hatred. In all of our history religion has cost far more lives than it has saved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Isn't that like the official best joke in the world? I think it was written by Emo Philips. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 This thread has turned into a complete joke now. I know a few people that will be going to hell for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian W Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 This thread has turned into a complete joke now. I know a few people that will be going to hell for this. oooh ooooh me, pick me, pick me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 The Thread of The Passion Of The Christ; post 241 "...and so it came to pass, TonyP told a very funny joke":) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 This thread has turned into a complete joke now. I know a few people that will be going to hell for this. Been there...unbelievable how cheap their coffee tables are Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyP Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Been there...unbelievable how cheap their coffee tables are You're thinking of Ikea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian W Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Been there...unbelievable how cheap their coffee tables are i believe i still bear the scars of my last visit. those little pencils are actually torture devices being just too small to physically use properly and then when you put them in your pocket......wham, as soon as you sit down you get a puncture wound in your thigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyP Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 i believe i still bear the scars of my last visit. those little pencils are actually torture devices being just too small to physically use properly and then when you put them in your pocket......wham, as soon as you sit down you get a puncture wound in your thigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bobbling Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Well if it gets to the stage where I die and see the gates of heaven then I would have to be plain stubborn to doubt then. So I will not have a problem in accepting then Job done once more You wont get that chance my friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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