Old people (jokes)

[Jake]

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:

 

An elderly lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

 

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

 

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

 

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FAMILY

 

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up

and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

 

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"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

 

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

 

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

 

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer"

 

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LITTLE LADY:

 

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing

home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

 

He sat thinking for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

 

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DRIVING

 

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to a junction. The traffic light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to some more traffic lights and they were red again.

Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. They arrived at the next set of lights, which sure enough were also red and they went on through. So, she turned

to her friend and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran

through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"

[Charlotte]

very good.

[Green Peace]

[RobSheffield]

[Havard]

V.Good!!

[johnnyknox]

lol, love the family and driving ones

[jim_supra]

ha ha, really liked the Little lady one!

[Bobbeh]

Nice

[turbonut]