Al Massey Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 NICKNAMES * If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. * If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT * When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £50, even though it's only for £115.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. * When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY * A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. * A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale BATHROOMS * A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Dischem. * The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS * A woman has the last word in any argument. * Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS * Women love cats. * Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. * A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. * A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. * A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. * Women somehow deteriorate during the night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveK Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 Sadly true - although for me / my g/f you have to replace "cat" with "dog". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flukey-lukey Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 LOL i like this one... CATS * Women love cats. * Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR.B Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 LOL most of those are so true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
far Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supradoopa Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 So true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewie Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I once went out to my ex gf's big barfday curry sesh. There were 8 girls & 2 blokes. When the bill came up, this girl reknowned for being tight (financially) insisted on working out the equal share on her mobile phone calculator. Isn't it just divide by 10 like move the decimal point over? Crafty cow divided by 8 so that we ended up paying for her!!! But somebody who saw the bill in her hand, twigged it and she got right royal public roasting in front of the whole restaurant. You're right never happens with blokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveK Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I love the fact that you had to clarify "reknowned for being tight" with "(financially)". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewie Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I love the fact that you had to clarify "reknowned for being tight" with "(financially)". She's slack as a bucket. So much so you have to tie a plank across your arse to stop yourself falling in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisSZ Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 A much simpler explanation is this (more scientific too!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voo51 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 NATURAL * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. * Women somehow deteriorate during the night. LOL most of those are so true are they now???????!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markjodrell Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Very true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR.B Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 are they now???????!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markssupra Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 very good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 She's slack as a bucket. So much so you have to tie a plank across your arse to stop yourself falling in. dude you should do stand up comedy : Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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