Bloody NTL

Jake · January 16, 2007

NTL came today to fit my cable broadband. They're put it all in but the modem won't connect, it just sits there flashing the 'Ready' light - apparently it should be constantly lit not flashing.

The installers just said "yeah mate, it'll start working in 30 to 45 mins". That was 2½ hours ago.

I've rang their Tech Support helpline and spoke to two different people with indian accents so bad I couldn't understand much of what they were saying but basically their call-logging software isn't working at the mo and I should call back in a couple hours.

January 16, 2007

A bit shit when you first have it installed. i had the same problem aswell and then when it did finally start to work it was slow as hell for a while. no idea why though but its piss take.

what speed did you go for?

Jake · January 16, 2007

I went for the 4meg at £17/month. The extra £10 a month for 10meg isn't worth it to me.

4mb should be a nice increase over the 1meg I've had for the last 3 years.

January 16, 2007

thats cool. im only on the 1 meg but we've got the phone/tv/internet package thing for £30pm but its quick enough for me

JustGav · January 16, 2007

If it still isn't working, phone and harass them...

One trick is to phone their sales department, and get transfered that way, because they usually transfer to a UK call centre rather than the off shore one.

Homer · January 16, 2007

If it still isn't working, phone and harass them...

One trick is to phone their sales department, and get transfered that way, because they usually transfer to a UK call centre rather than the off shore one.

^Yeah that^ Works almost every time when I last had an issue (installation too).

Good thing is, once its working it tends to stay that way

Sheefa · January 16, 2007

Mine was a nightmare when at uni. The guy drilled through my bedroom wall instead of the lounge to connect the line and that was after 3 weeks from the initial install date.

The connection kept cutting out at least once/twice a week and they charged us £60 extra one month because we had ordered 1 film!!! Yes, ONE Film! Not happy.

Thank fuck I'm back home and with Telewest, although they're pretty shite.

I suggest you write a letter like the following Jake!

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.

During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.

Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....how?

I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no doubt both familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%...these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.

I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman.... and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.

Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?

How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are.

You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy pus-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company.

I sincerely hope that they have not become dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.

Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

Yours psychotically,
xxxx

JustGav · January 16, 2007

Mine was a nightmare when at uni. The guy drilled through my bedroom wall instead of the lounge to connect the line and that was after 3 weeks from the initial install date.

The connection kept cutting out at least once/twice a week and they charged us £60 extra one month because we had ordered 1 film!!! Yes, ONE Film! Not happy.

Thank fuck I'm back home and with Telewest, although they're pretty shite.

I suggest you write a letter like the following Jake!

Telewest is owned by NTL now dude.... welcome back *grin*

Sheefa · January 16, 2007

Oh Fuck.

January 16, 2007

Telewest is owned by NTL now dude.... welcome back *grin*

Oh Fuck.

Jake · January 16, 2007

Still on the phone to them

I've spoken to seven different people so far. Every one of the useless fuckers reckons I'm talking to the wrong Dept and transfers to the next useless twat.

Jake · January 16, 2007

Eighth person now.....

January 16, 2007

does ntl have the indian call centres?

Sheefa · January 16, 2007

Does he/she talk like the Scottish Robot women/man mentioned in letter above

Jake · January 16, 2007

FFS! They've got to send an engineer out to me. Won't be til thursday though.

What a useless bunch of twats

Sheefa · January 16, 2007

LOL. Got to laugh as they never change mate.

JustGav · January 16, 2007

Jake.. open up http://192.168.100.1 username root password root

You should be able to see what the status is with the modem. If it is locking to the line, then it is simply a case of them adding the MAC address...

Gav

Jake · January 16, 2007

Jake.. open up http://192.168.100.1 username root password root

You should be able to see what the status is with the modem. If it is locking to the line, then it is simply a case of them adding the MAC address...

Gav

Cable Modem Information

Cable Modem : Euro-DOCSIS 1.0/1.1/2.0 Compliant

MAC Address : >

Serial Number : 0014A4BA88E6

Boot Code Version : 2.1.6d

Software Version : 2.94.1010

Hardware Version : 1.19

Cable Modem Status

Item Status Comments

Acquire a Downstream Channel 674000000 Hz In Progress

Connectivity State In Progress Not Synchronized

Boot State In Progress Unknown

Cable Modem Downstream

Downstream Lock : Not Locked

Downstream Channel Id : 0

Downstream Frequency : 298750000 Hz

Downstream Modulation : QAM64

Downstream Symbol Rate : 5056.941 Ksym/sec

Downstream Interleave Depth : Other

Downstream Receive Power Level : -5.5 dBmV

Downstream SNR : 25.8 dB

Cable Modem Upstream

Upstream Lock : Not Locked

Upstream Channel ID : 0

Upstream Frequency : 0 Hz

Upstream Modulation : QPSK

Upstream Symbol Rate : 0 Ksym/sec

Upstream transmit Power Level : 44.8 dBmV

Upstream Mini-Slot Size : 0

Cable Modem Operation Configuration

Network Access : Denied

Maximum Downstream Data Rate : 0

Maximum Upstream Data Rate : 0

Maximum Upstream Channel Burst : 0

Maximum Number of CPEs : -1

Modem Capability : Concatenation Enabled, Fragametation Enabled, PHS Enabled

Cable Modem Event Log

Time Not Established Time Not Established 6 Critical(3) 68000100 DHCP FAILED - Discover sent, no offer received