Ewen Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Three brickies die in an accident on Christmas Eve and are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. 'To honour the Christmas Season, you must possess something that symbolises Christmas in order to enter heaven tonight' First guy rumages in his pockets and finds a lighter, which he lights and says 'this is a candle !'. He is let in. Second guy fumbles in his pockets and pulls out a set of keys...he jingles them and says 'these are bells !'. Hes let in also. Third guy finds a pair of womens panties and half heartedly waves them around. 'Whats have they to do with Christmas ?' asks St. Peter. The brickie replies 'Er, these are Carols' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Piss Poor!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobbeh Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Hah, nice one Ewen, keep 'em coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Old One But Here Goes.... Man asks his wife would she really want for Christmas!! His wife replies "A divorce"!!! Man says "I wasn't thinking of spending that much"!!!! For all those who haven't heard it before, and that won't be many. I'm here all week!! H. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 at both Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!" I'm laughing at that and I don't know why??? H. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 You want a Xmas joke? How about no bonus and paying for your own works party? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoboblio Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Ho ho ho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lockys96 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 im a bad moo fo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Billy wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for his new sweetheart. They had not been going out together for very long. So, after careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves would most appropriate; romantic but not too personal. He then engaged the help of his sweetheart's younger sister to assist him in choosing an appropriate item; and off they went shopping together. Billy eventually bought a pair of very stylish winter gloves in pale pink and the sister took the opportunity of buying herself a pair of panties from the same store. However, during the wrapping process, the shop assistant mixed up the two items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without thinking to check the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons down the side, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I asked her to try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I could be there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year! All my love. Billy' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivan Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 You want a Xmas joke? How about no bonus and paying for your own works party? Been there, done that - so I quit and left them without an IT Manager! :eyebrows: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 You want a Xmas joke? How about no bonus and paying for your own works party? I was asked today: "do you want a Chrsitmas 'do', or extra £50 in your pay this month" Thats £50 in the NA-T kitty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoboblio Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 We've never had a Christmas bonus here. To be honest while there's people a hell of a lot worse off than me I'd feel bad to complain about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobbeh Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 You want a Xmas joke? How about no bonus and paying for your own works party? Snap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vvteye Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Ho Ho Ho At Jakes Joke, not the fact you aren't having a Xmas bonus! You lot should try working in the NHS. My idea of a Xmas bonus was having at least one of the 3 Bank Holidays off! but now I am a manager Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham S Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Same here, no bonus or party, But i can beat the rest of you....... My boss convienently 'forgot' to put all our over time on this month so were all 250 quid short! Merry bloody Christmas indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now