Ewen Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 The Washington Post hold a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-Nilly, adj. impotent. 6. Negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. Lymph, v. to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 12. Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist. 13. Oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 14. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 15. Circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gerry Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Sounds like another fan of "I'm sorry I havn't a clue".... Brilliant .. 7. Lymph, v. to walk with a lisp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 Very good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 My favourite; 4. Esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animal Posted November 30, 2006 Share Posted November 30, 2006 ISIHAC is ace, I have loads of 'em on mp3 at home. God bless Willie Rushton. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dash Rendar Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 I was just about to post this, when I thought I'd give the search button a try. Phew... That was a narrow escape from the Repost Police! Anyway, this is amusing enough to deserve a resurrection, I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyT Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Esplanade... Hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animal Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Philosophy – when you’ve had enough of Sophie Solicitor – a sad Chinese man sitting down Cooperation – a speech from the head of a supermarket Samurai – the choice between me and Sam Hirsute – what she wears to work Temporal – short-lived foreplay Internet – something consumed by an apprentice Phantasmagorical – one who predicts the addition of drugs to Fanta Gastronomy – to be bombarded with gas Superintendent – trying to cover her with soup Dostoyevsky – old English for “Do I have to ski?” Garibaldi – Gary’s gone bald Pusillanimous – dismay at the stench of a seal’s soul Gelatine – to get the product and the packaging the wrong way round in hair care Ballistic – a damnable lump of wood Indubitably – to competently undo something Banister – to outlaw ogling Prima Donna – before Madonna Tonality – the property of being like a toenail Ornament – a Brummie phrase meaning intended for the governor of California Berlusconi – something heavy set that goes well with jam and clotted cream Dandelion – a gay feline Salamander – to flog Amanda Teacake – wood pain Scabbard – to recover toughly from a wound Defer – to strip something of its hair European – to call someone common Detrimental – that tree is insane Pornographic – being too broke to afford pictures Evangelical – so desperate as to talk to Jelly Condemn – how you get people to give you their money Orgasm – the alternative of gassing people Celeritous – to toss celery Monarchic – to lament the weakness in one’s legs Dumbfounded – discovered by a flying elephant Existential – smelling of eggs Clandestine – the Stein family Military – a chocolate orange cookie Disturbing – to remove one’s turban Pandering – to paint something black and white Mosquito – a little place of worship Demented – to spit out your toothpaste Morbid – what continues an auction Psychosomatic – a flea that goes crazy in the heat Disinterest – insulting Tourettes and dyslexia sufferers at the same time Posturing – after an Italian city Menstruate – the thing men dislike the most Macaroon – what one must do after eating too much Deliberate – to lock someone up Unfasten – to slow someone down Improvise – to alter an imp Bonanza – a Russian monarch in the act of lovemaking Germinate – to maintain a grudge Substantiate – to be not as good a Muslim as Stan Mushroom – where huskies are kept Belligerent – mocking fat people Anonymous – a Scottish mouse Senile – thinking you’re in Egypt Buffet – to sexily say hello in the style of the Fonz Eunuchs – it’s your turn now Lasso – to be sick of Girls Aloud Extreme – something you thought you wanted, but didn’t actually Vindicate – a girl who eats mostly curry Jezebel – a posh doorbell Inflammatory – to set light to David Cameron Hobgoblin – to eat a kitchen appliance Eye doctor – online medical advice Sandalwood – what shoes wish they could do Hurly burly – when Liz puts on weight Matriculate – to move away from Imperial measurements Urban – to cover in garlic Llandudno – to mistakenly think your place has set down Subcutaneous – people to small to wait in line Hospitable – capable of equine salivation Entire – a pissed off tree Longitude – his protracted mastication Ramification – to turn something into a sheep Upholstery – telling your mates how you got laid last night Rational – a place with no vodka Chlamydia – a damp stag Gusset – to swear at something Ajudicate - having felated a Hebrew Anticipation – when a doctor treats an ant Anterior – a scarier ant than the one before Ignorant – to disregard ants Rudiment – to intend offence Intrude – to deny that something is offensive Television – a town in Israel Telemetry – another town in Israel Tantalise – a tent full of untruths Scandalise – to look over untruths Herbivore – the film after Herbie Three Carnivore – the fourth carnie along Fructivore – an insult to the channel T4 Piscivore – Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, John Aschroft, and George Bush Tendency – the third tendon along Acne – a Scotsman banging their leg Acumen – a Scotswoman cursing her husband Marquis – what you say when you’ve lost your keys Machiavelli – what an Italian says when they lose their keys Congenital – with your penis Congenial – with a magic spirit Political – to molest a parrot Polyamorous – to love several parrots at once Oscillate – a tardy Australian Undulate – something which is inexplicably delayed Anti-Semitic – to be against things that are only half right Anti-aircraft – to be against boats made of eggshells Procrastinate – to be in favour of eating poorly constructed containers Proselytise – to be in favour of Tie Rack Purloin – something worn in the underwear department Pernickety – for those interested in brewing underwear Parabolic – a supernatural testicle Diabolic – a poor excuse for a testicle Metabolic – a superior testicle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animal Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Scandal - Footwear you should be ashamed of. Vanish - Rather like a van Organism - An irrational prejudice against Wurlitzers Cannibalistic - A Geordie missile Bigamist - A larger than usual fog Retard - Very difficult in Yorkshire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorin Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Well don't recall seeing this before, must have missed it, but... The Washington Post hold a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 14. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. That one isn't an "alternate meaning for common word", it's the only meaning for the religion made up by George Carlin in a standup routine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I especially like 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.