RedM Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I've just found out that my partner has just been given a £1500 pay rise. Whilst I'm happy for her it further increases the gap between our respective salaries and I feel like I'm holding us back. She wants to be going places, doing things etc but I can't afford to. I'm in debt and wanted to sell the Supra to help clear it. Trouble is that she owns half and wants to keep the car. So much so that any work that gets done to it is is now paid by her on the understanding that I pay her half of it back when I get a better paid job. I now owe her about 2K on top of the credit card. She looks at it as an interest free loan which is nice and allows us to keep the car but I feel like I'm sponging off her (even though I'm not). Obviously a new job on better money would be good but even then it's still going to be awhile before I can pay it all off and we can start having holidays etc. Anyone else like this? Does it cause friction, feelings of inadequacy etc? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I know how you feel. Although my GF isnt on as much as me. She still lives with her parents. and her only out going payment each month is a tiny little car loan she has. Where as I have a morgage which is enough, but i have the car loan and credit cards etc etc. And shes the same always want to go on holidays and stuff. i have to pay for that sort of thing on CC, which just puts me in more debt. its a horrible loop Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian W Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 i was in a similar position a couple of years back mate (she was on £25k and i was on £10k!) luckily i have a better paid job now although am still nearly £5k behind her, i have to admit it did cause friction at the time but that was because she wanted me to get rid of the car and i wanted to keep it lol hope you get it sorted out soon mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I was in your position and it feels crap! I think I was more concerned about it then her though. I have just found a new job and earn more than her now, but it was starting to be an issue. Keep us informed chap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Is it a huge difference in salary then? I know money causes lots of arguments, but we've always been a "share everything" kinda couple. I never understand these couples that have separate accounts and split bills etc etc. I would suggest that what comes in is for the benefit of "the household" and should not be segregated as to who has earned what. Just like the old days where the man was the breadwinner and maybe the wife had a PT job, there was never any split in who paid bills, money came in and it went out. I worked with a guy that bought his kids separate presents from his wife. Odd, he was a dwarf though. (and he nicked a load of beer from my wedding) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Class One Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Is it a competition then? Seriously Martin seems like you have a very generous and understanding partner. I wouldn't worry about it myself, especially if you're in it for the long haul and you're considering marriage. It's a partnership after all, not a pissing contest, just be thankful that she's not after your money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaymdee Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Had something similar (many years ago) when I was married. My wife earned £18K and me £14. Rather than halving everything we pro-rated the mortgage, bills, holidays etc based on 18:14 ratio. Worked out OK. Divorced now and earning much more, and don't have to spend money on crap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian W Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Had something similar (many years ago) when I was married. My wife earned £18K and me £14. Rather than halving everything we pro-rated the mortgage, bills, holidays etc based on 18:14 ratio. Worked out OK. Divorced now and earning much more, and don't have to spend money on crap that's not a huge difference when you take tax etc into account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Yep the best way in any relationship is to pay by percentages...has always worked for me. (I mean on the bills...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colsoop Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I worked with a guy that bought his kids separate presents from his wife. Odd, he was a dwarf though. (and he nicked a load of beer from my wedding) LOL that is the most random thing to add to a good posting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian R Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I worked with a guy that bought his kids separate presents from his wife. Odd, he was a dwarf though. (and he nicked a load of beer from my wedding) May have been because he was a little short Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 It would be nice to have a partner who earns a lot more than me, I could stay home and breed wasps. Just think yourself lucky young man and get a better job when you can Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 May have been because he was a little short He was quite stout, but I'm not bitter. Gawd, call the SAS there's been a hijack. Right, as you were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Martin your on a right downer lately mate... stop thinking so much about stuff! She's obviously a good girl who loves you a lot... stop worrying! On the job front, keep looking and something will turn up.. or do a course one night a week to add to your CV.. or sell some of your old crap on eBay to pay off the debt..? and on the weight front, get a pair of trainers, something to play music on and go hammer the streets... start with twenty minutes and take it steady, you'll soon build up... you'll lose weight and feel better 'in yourself', you'll sleep like a baby and you won't have all the extra energy to over analyse everything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I'm sure if you were just floundering your money 'down the pub' every night then things would be different (I don't know this for sure but I *think* that's not the case). You are contributing what you can, even if it's not as much as her. Is it because you feel like you must be the 'bread winner'? Where exactly is she wanting to go? I mean, does she want to move with her job etc? The way Mike and I work it is that whoever has money pays for whatever. His money is mine and mine is his. I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure she sees it as extra money towards your existence, not that you are a lazy bum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I used to go out with a guy who earnt loads less than me. He used to hate the fact I could buy loads of stuff and not worry. Then I got a morgage, what a stupid thing to do. Now I'm skint and we were only just managing each month before I lost my job so it's getting interesting now I would stop borrowing money from her if possible as your debt will get worse and it's no fun owing your partner money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nicholas Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 hmmm tough one, me and the girlfriend used to have loads of arguments about money mainly because she's a uni student and works part time so has very little money and I work full time, have a mortgage and my own business. I say stop accepting money from her and try to clear your debt One question, would you be able to clear your debt if you sold the supra? (God forbid but it may be the only way forward.) Nick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Jane and I met when I was a student. Once the relationship had caught fire, and we started living together (she was working and had a flat) she supported me financially if needed. I hated it but I knew Id be earning one day. It wasnt untill say three years of employment that my earnings equalled hers, then overtook her. Then the kids came along, and even though shes had a couple of part time jobs since, the roles are well and truly reversed now. She is constantly aware of how little she puts into the relationship financially, and I have a hard job convincing her that I'm more than happy as we are. I do think its psychologically worse for the male in this type of situation, but its the relationship that counts, not the relative earnings. If your lass is happy with the circumstances, whats the problem other than your possible feelings of inadequacy ? If thats the only problem, and she convinces you you have nothing to worry about and your relationship will remain strong whatever the financial situation, then you should work with that. Accept things as they are as good, and move forward. Things are bound to change, and if they dont you still have each other. That said, if you think the relationship has no long term basis, stop 'borrowing' money from her now, and start charging her for sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I am the main earner in the house, but it doesn't matter because there is more to life than money, although it does help. A stable relationship is worth more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamc Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Marry her, and that should void all current debts to her and she can continue to pay for parts... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Marry her Reported to Mods.... Irresponsible and offensive post:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbo Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 My boyfriend and I earn the same pay so we dont tend to get into that situation as it is all split 50:50 Over a year ago he used to be the main bread winner though until i got another job with ALOT more money Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DannyW Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I will be in this position soon, my partner will be earning almost double my wages. (she'll shortly be qualifying as a certified accountant and chartered tax advisor, whereas i have a dead-end factory job) But am i bothered by it? No. We split all the bills by both paying whatever we can afford into a joint account each week/month and take it from there. At the moment i earn slightly more than her though and she gets quite stressed by the fact that i have to give her money every week to pay for petrol and shopping etc. as she is always skint half way through the month. My attitude though is that what's mine is her's and what's her's is mine. And when she finally qualifies at her work and her salary shoots up, i won't moan, in fact i'll be proud of her for making something of herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted October 23, 2006 Author Share Posted October 23, 2006 One question, would you be able to clear your debt if you sold the supra? (God forbid but it may be the only way forward.) No, it wouldn't. Once my partner get her half of the car I wouldn't have enough left to settle both debts (her and CC). Which is why we haven't sold her yet. That said, if you think the relationship has no long term basis, stop 'borrowing' money from her now, and start charging her for sex. She's a keeper plus I'd like to be debt free before I reach ninety! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 She's a keeper plus I'd like to be debt free before I reach ninety! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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