My Life - Advice on choosing - GF or the RAF

[Sheefa]

Hi all,

 

This is going to be a little of a long story so if you haven't got the time, please turn back now!

 

I'm 23 years old and currently working for Zurich after graduating from uni in July this year. I did a placement year here in my 3rd year and they invited me back. The pay is absolutely blinding but the job itself is a little mundane at the moment, but that's probably because I've a) never got into it fully yet and haven't had any real guidance and b) the RAF is a career I've always wanted to be in.

 

I've been with Emily my girlfriend for 10 months now and by god is she the best girl ever. I love her to bits and we get on better than anyone else in the world. She's 18 and will be going to uni next September.

 

I've dreamed of being in the RAF since I was a little kid, and I mean since about 3! Back in 2000 I applied for a fighter pilot (yes everyone wants to be one) but I didn't get through to the third stage. I put it down to my age, immaturity and lack of RAF knowledge really as I was 18 and a young officer doesn;'t particularly gain the credability and respect as one who's had 'life' experience. So, my immediate choice was uni. I spent 4 years there but during my placement year I re-applied for the RAF. I went through all the interviews and got to the 3 day testing session at Cranwell. I actually applied for the rotary flight branch (helicopters) as I wasn't going to go shouting my mouth of that I wanted to be a Fast-Jet fighter pilot. Following the vigorous apptitude tests and physical endurance exercises I was called into the room and told the results. I came top out of all 112 candidates in the apptitude tests and was immediately told to apply fo the fast-jet position. To say I was over the moon is an understatement. Next day was medicals. Everything was cool, fitness was great, perfect shape for controls (height/weight/reach) etc and it was all going well............until the dreaded eye test.

 

I had a slight stigmatism in my left eye, around 0.15 on the measurement scale which let to the immediate rejection of my pilot application. To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. It led to genuine thoughts of suicide for 2 months. I was a living wreck and didn't feel like I was living at all. They actually offered me the position of Navigator (Weapsons Systems Officer as it's now called) but I knew I would be itching to get up to the flying seat if I took it. Also, with the new Fly-by-wire EFA Eurofighter and joint comissioned F-22 Raptor aircraft coming through there isn't really a back-seat role available - most new aircraft will be single seaters.

 

Still life went on and I finished uni. I've always thought about joining the army too as an officer so my next logical choice was the RAF Regiment branch. This has been on my mind for the last 2 years now and it was a given certainity that that's what I wanted to do with my life........before I met Emily my current girlfriend.

 

Now, not meaning to sound like a big-headed tw@t, but I've seen and met a lot of girls over the last 6 years or so, but Emily comes up top trumps. She's the exact replica of me but in female form. Same sense of humour, take on life, interests etc and she rocks my world. I love the girl to absolute pieces. For that reason I deceided to scrap the RAF so I could be with her. This meant coming back here, to Zurich job, and staying at home where I am at present. The RAF life as many of you know is difficult anyway, but RAF Regiment life is extremely hard. You're often posted out of the UK for 8-12 months at a time and there's little room for 'home visits' if on duty. A relationship simply wouldn't work in my eyes.

 

Now last night we had a talk and Em has decided to apply for uni. I told her a while ago to go to whatever Uni she wants as I didn't want to hold her back from what she wants to do. She was then planning to go to Coventry, UCE or Aston and Worcester (All Unis near me). Aston is still her first choice but she will be staying in halls too as she says she can't hack living at home anymore. Her second choice is Nottingham Uni which certainly isn't good. She'd be away living there obviously so I'd only get to see her at weekends. Aston would also be difficult as I wouldnt get to see her much either, plus there's the 'worry' element about fresher blokes etc but don't get me wrong, I'm not a jealous or over-protective guy.

 

She knew I was upset and a little angry too, but I can't hold her choice against her. She was also sh*t scared that I might cause things to break down, and I think I personally will. I can't see her whilst she's miles away and I'm working, it's just not feasible. I'm not the kind of person who can spend weeks apart, I don't see the point. The whole point of me taking this job and sticking round here was for her.

 

So, now I have to go back to the drawing board and make my choice. She'll be going in September 2007 and I'm thinking I might re-apply for the RAF Regiment for commissioning in September too. If I choose this path, I'll apply behind the scenes and tell her next Summer.

 

I've spoken to my close mates about this many a time and family, I get mixed opinions for a number of different reasons. I'd really like a fresh perspective on my options from you guys.

 

I love the girls to bits, I don't like my current job though and the RAF has ALWAYS been what I've wanted to do in life.

 

I no longer have any sanity about what to do guys.......

 

Help.

 

Thanks,

 

Greg

 

EDIT: I would probably have to sell the Supra too if I chose the RAF!!

[CJ]

TBH, I lost the will to live halfway through so might not be fully up with all the story but...she is just 18 and you are 23. In all probability this wont last (some do but most don't) especially as she is off to the big wide world.

 

My advice would be to join the RAF as that would fulfill an ambition. If it doesn't work out then at least you wont have any "I wonder what if's" hanging about in your past.

 

HTH

[JustGav]

TBH, I lost the will to live halfway through so might not be fully up with all the story but...she is just 18 and you are 23. In all probability this wont last (some do but most don't) especially as she is off to the big wide world.

 

My advice would be to join the RAF as that would fulfill an ambition. If it doesn't work out then at least you wont have any "I wonder what if's" hanging about in your past.

 

HTH

 

Yup, would have to agree with that as well... I gave up an opportunity to work in the US because the wife didn't want me to.

 

Needless to say 7 years on, and I'm divorced, god knows where she is, probably off still shagging everything that moves, and I didn't get the dream job.

 

Sounds harsh I know, but those are the choices that I made and now I have to live with them.

 

If she really is the one, I would have thought that she would be understanding and move with you once she has had been there and done everything. In my experience most 18-25yr old girls just want to live life and very quickly get bored/tired of things (including us blokes sadly)

 

Just my 2p's worth.

[aido]

Good luck whatever path you do choose, but if you say that she's you in female form, and you've gone out of your way to be with her, and she's off to university which will limit your time together, then personally I'd choose the RAF.

 

It's something you've always wanted, put it this way, I made some decisions to give up certain things to spend more time with one of the girlfriends - that fell apart after a while and now things that have happened since mean that I'll regret that choice forever.

 

You ony live once, yes you love your girlfriend to bits, but if she feels the same way about you - she'll stand by you while you follow your lifetime ambition, just as you're willing to stand by her while she goes to uni.

 

It's all about give and take mate, and from the sounds of it you're giving more than you're taking.....

 

All the best to both of you whichever path you do take fella

[colsoop]

I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but it sounds to me like your girlfriend has made her choice by going to uni. It is an exciting time and you meet lots of new people, in all honesty can you see it lasting with her if you stayed in your current job and saw her on weekends ?

I reckon you will slowly drift apart spending less time together.

 

What about quitting your job here and finding a job near her uni and living together ?

 

If it was me i would go for joining the RAF, you don't want to be 10 years down the line thinking " if only i did this "

 

 

Its a really tough call, but at the same time its not a bad postition to be in

 

In best jerry springer voice "take care of yourselves and each other"

[Pete]

Personally wouldn't join the armed forces as you've no idea where you'll go or what you'll end up doing. Major life change.

 

I've had a number of ex RAF guys who have just left finishing their time span (whatever its called) and they're finding it difficult to reintegrate and get jobs after such a long time. The RAF will give you buckets of training to get you back out into the real world, but it doesn't make up for experience.

They've applied for tech positions with us, but basically they're starting at the bottom again. These are mature guys with families starting out careers again.

 

My advice is have a word with some older RAF guys to see if they regret their decisions and what kind of lifestyle you have.

 

As for love - if she's "the one" you'll know and should be together as it's a rare thing. Synics amongst us will say there's no such thing as true love and there's plenty more fish. Only you know this.

[Sheefa]

Thanks guys.

 

Believe me, Em isn't that type of girl. Her mum settled down at 22 and has never looked back and her sister, 21 has also settled won with a child on the way. She's that kind of person and they're that kind of family if you see what I mean. We've had many a discussion about this and she's the kind of girl that I totally trust and know she's being sincere. I think I'm more worried about myself and how I would react.

 

I can't regret my decision either way as that would be stupid. The perspective is Go to the RAF and think later down the line "Damn I loved that girl and right now I could be settled and be happy" or choose Em and say 2Damn should of chosen the RAF". Of course, there are many other variations of what could happen in the above, but I can't regret today's decision down the line as life doesn't work like that. At the time it may seem right, and that's what matters.

 

I know and have spoken with quite a few RAF guys and have experience the air corps etc before. Not quite the same Pete I know, but I have a good idea of what the RAF life is like. To be honest, the main reason I want to join is for the experience and the fact that I don't particularly value my life now and need to do something about it to substantiate why the hell I'm here.

 

It's the hardest decision I feel I'll ever have to make, and by god I have no idea as to how it's going to turn out. To say I'm scared is an understatement.

[JustGav]

and the fact that I don't particularly value my life now and need to do something about it to substantiate why the hell I'm here.

 

It's the hardest decision I feel I'll ever have to make, and by god I have no idea as to how it's going to turn out. To say I'm scared is an understatement.

 

That is a bigger issue than GF or RAF dude, you need to get that sorted out before you do anything with regards to your future.

[colsoop]

One thing to bear in mind Greg, if the RAF is like the Army you have to do a minimum of 4 years service, you can sign off after 3 years and serve your final year and get resettlement courses and look for jobs etc but you still have to do the 4 years.

 

A point worth making i think

[AJI]

I was also going to be going down the same route as you into the RAF. I also applied and got through numerous stages of IOC at Cranwell for fast jet pilot. Only to be told that the waiting list for the position was nearly three years. I would have had to join as a lowly tea boy and try to work up from there. (No thank you Mr RAF).

To be honest I'm glad I never joined the RAF or any of the forces as you are no longer in control of your own life. You basically hand it over to the government for your time of commision.

And like you say, its the fast jet pilot that is what attracted you to the job, 2nd best (or 3rd best etc.) quite often never fulfils itself.

My girlfriend lives in Germany.... try that for distance! Its hard yes, but if we both want things to work out then they will. Same for you I think, you will have to ask your girl how serious she is for your future and base your decisions around that.

Like Pete says above, if she is 'the one' then go for it.... it is so hard to find a girl that suits you so well (I know this), my girlfriend is a perfect match for me also, never had a girlfriend who is like that before and I am willing to cope with distance as long as there is trust.

I think it involves a lot of discussion to know where each person in the relationship stands. Just my opinion on the matter.

Good luck.

[michael]

http://www.8ball.co.uk/productimages/28861-1.jpg

[martin_a]

Not sure why it has to be a choice between the two? As said it is about give and take and while you aren't standing in her way it does seem as though you are letting her stand in yours.

 

Would you be away immediately or would you be UK based for training? If that's the case then you could still see each other.

 

Interesting to note she is off to halls and you aren't looking to move in together. On that basis i'd say you have to follow your dream.

 

m.

[Sheefa]

More food for though then guys. Thanks again. We're heading out for a meal tonight so I'll lay my cards on the table.

 

I genuinely don't mind signing up for a short or long-term commission Colsoop. The typical is 9 years.

 

I know many officers that have left the RAF and flown up the promotion ladder because of their people and management skills. This includes the Director at Zurich who must be on circa £150,000 not that money is the decision here.

[Pete]

[qimg]http://www.8ball.co.uk/productimages/28861-1.jpg[/qimg]

 

I never realised but Choose Life is Scotland's National Strategy and Action Plan to Prevent Suicide.

 

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.

Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars,

compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good

health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed

interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your

friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a

three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.

Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.

Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing

game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose

rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable

home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up

brats you spawned to replace yourself.

 

Choose your future.

 

Choose life.

[SupraAyf]

 

I no longer have any sanity about what to do guys.......

 

Help.

 

 

Greg,

 

Military Service is the only option my friend. It is certainly a life-goal that you need to attempt to achieve or else life is not really worth living (and you’ve already been through that shit from what you’ve mentioned).

 

Girls are great but a career which allows you to grasp your ultimate dreams is something that even the best girl can't compete against; especially when you are as passionate about military service as what I perceive you to be from reading your mail.

 

The RAF Regt is very similar to the Army albeit; they are somewhat restricted as their modus operandi is basically to safeguard airfields and that’s it. If you wish to go down the guns and bullets route then join the Army Sir!

 

If you decide to go to the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst then you’ll soon find out that it’s the best ‘life’ training and life-experience that you will EVER undertake! 90% of blokes that go to Sandhurst will have a girlfriend when they start but only 10% will have one at the end of the 365-day course! Fact…………….!!

 

My advice (and I have had to give it to quite a few people in your position), is get on with what you want to do. You need to look back in 30 years and be happy with your lot; none of this crap where you wished you had done something but had not!! There are just too many people who get muddled by the girl-factor and come unstuck. DON’T BE ONE OF THEM

 

SERVE TO LEAD!

/vbb/images/smilies/bbcode_grin.gif

 

Andrew

[Ian C]

Well from an outside viewpoint you dropped your life goals for her and she responded with "Cool. Right, I'm off to do whatever I want, cya." So I know where I'd be going.

 

You only really get one good shot at defining your career and your life, whereas girls come and go.

 

-Ian

[Pete]

The last guy we interviewed from the RAF was stationed in Iraq on the ground doing boarder patrols as the RAF didn't have much for him to do and the army needed him.

This persuaded him to leave.

[raymanuk]

At this time in both your lives you are both simlar breeds and most probably is worth fighting for. Who is to say it will not work If it doesn't then what can you do. I say have your cake and bloody eat it. If things don't work out thats down to the two of you.

Long distance relationships can work but only if you BOTH work for it and trust one another completely. Communication is key.

Surely seeing her on the weekeds is good and will give you time to yourself and to follow your dream, and her to study etc. Take things as they come or know yourself and call it a day, stay good friends and see what happens in the future.

 

If she is your world and the RAF is your dream surely to have the two together is the ultimate?

 

BUT....

 

If you know you can't do it then call it a day fella, if you love her and if she is the kind of person you say she is. Don't lead her down that path if you can't fully commit yourself. That way you will always know you done the right thing.

 

What I am really saying is be true to you and her and for the both of you to live life to the full!!

 

HTH

 

Ray

[CJ]

.... whereas girls come and go.

 

-Ian

 

Most of my old g/f's just did the latter

[Pete]

Most of my old g/f's just did the latter

Surely if the girls just go, then they don't really qualify to be girlfriends?

[Kittyclaws]

Hard one,,,,,If I was you I would go for the RAF route, if you stay as you are now, years down the line you would be thinking ,, what if? joining as a grunter,, sorry officer lol, will help when it comes to leaving etc. the ones who find it harder to adjust when they leave are the ones who join straight from school. i worked in a boat yard for 2 years before joining the Senior Service (had to get that in lol ), and it was a little hard going when i left at first. The armed forces in whole has changed big stlye, and alot of those that served did not like the way it was going (me inc ) as it was not the service i joined.

[Kittyclaws]

Well from an outside viewpoint you dropped your life goals for her and she responded with "Cool. Right, I'm off to do whatever I want, cya." So I know where I'd be going.

 

You only really get one good shot at defining your career and your life, whereas girls come and go.

 

-Ian

 

good post

[Sheefa]

Thanks all.

 

The whole point of this is that I can't geneuinely make up my mind. I love her and I love (or know I will) the RAF. Yes, it may work if I try and go for both, but it is unlikely and in my heart of hearts I feel it will break down.

 

Martin a - It would be UK based training 9Initial Officer Training) at Cranwell RAF school mate for 12 months. After then I could be posted in the UK or abroad. Don't forget though that despite the RAF being similar to a 9-5 job in terms of working shifts, there's often no room for going home during weekdays and no real flexibility in working hours so heading to uni to see Em would be very hard.

 

Andrew (Suprayf) - you're right mate. The RAF offers brilliant opportunities and life experience. Look at me now, I'm sitting in this bloody office browsing the Supra forum because the work is so mind numbing and I can't focus on doing it because I don't feel this is where I should be. On the other hand, I'm doing it for her.

 

Ray - good post mate and I am trying to think about us both. It's just a case of how it could work. I wouldn't want to try both and find out it didn't work between us because of the RAF in the same way I wouldn't want to call it off and join the RAF and say "It could of worked".

 

We have talked about living together many times and she's really really keen, but I only have a about £400 a month to put towards rent and she can't afford a place. Her parents may be able to help, but I think she needs her independence and uni life experience too.

 

Is there anyone I can discuss this with? I'm so crossed between 2 minds guys I seriously don't have a clue anymore. This was the case last year and the majority of this year when I first had to make the decision on whether to apply here or the RAF after uni..........it's come back round again.

 

Haven't an honest clue anymore.

[Kittyclaws]

well after reading your last post, you seem to always keep thinking of the RAF. I think you should go for it. I have always loved the sea from an early age. and wanted to join the Royal Navy. which I did, and I'm glad I did. I would not go back in now, but I do have many a good memory of my time served, and I feel I'm a better person because of it

[martin_a]

You can only put £400 a month in? Student accomodation is probably going to come in at a couple of hundred so that's £600 between you. My mortgage is only £500

 

Still think you should go for the RAF. You aren't happy and if things don't change it is likely you'll regret it and resent her as she follows the career she wants. That will also spell the end of the relationship.

 

Take the challenge and see how it goes.

 

m.