MaveriK Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 > To all Employees: > > Effective January 2011 > > Dress Code > 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your >salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we >assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay >raise. > 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money >better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not >need a pay raise. > 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and >therefore you do not need a pay raise. > > Sick Days > We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. > If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. > > Holiday Days > Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are >called Saturday & Sunday. > > Compassionate Leave > This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do >for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made >to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. > In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral >should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you >to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. > > Toilet Use > 1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is >now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. > 2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet >paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture >will be taken. > 3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the >company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. > 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under >the company's mental health policy. > > Lunch Break > 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat >more so that they can look healthy. > 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced >meal to maintain their average figure. > 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the >time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. > > Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an >employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. > Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, >frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, >accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed >elsewhere. > > Richard Head > > Chief Tit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markymark Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 This is are future.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carl0s Posted October 3, 2006 Share Posted October 3, 2006 This is are future.. Is this some new game, where totally unrelated threads have weird links back to each other, and you have to spot the pattern? (ducks ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markymark Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 carl0s; (ducks ) And makes contact with my knee:p sorry for the spelling mistake (our) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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