worried sick about doing a best man speech...

[cookci]

im one of 2 best men... Below is my half of the speech! But im shaking worried even now thinking about it! f8*k knows how im gonna feel about doing it tomorrow!

 

 

 

One of the things that Rick and I have in common is our love of Cars. This reminds me of when Rick was 17 he purchased a Renault Clio and put such large alloys on, it had the acceleration of a bus, speed bumps were a disaster and the passenger capacity was limited too 2 passengers! He also filled the boot with speakers rendering it useless for luggage but good for deafening passers by.

 

Before he got his car he had bought an old, very large, slow motorbike. The only thing it was good for was mowing down the flowerbeds.

 

As you know as the best men it was our task to arrange the stag do. The fact that Rick can be out drunk by his bride and yawns every 5 minutes in night clubs did not bode well, but I think a good night was had by all and I hope you have got the sour cream smell out of your hair Rick.

 

 

How can Rick and Wendy ensure a happy marriage? A lot of advice has already come their way, some which may be of use, some of it may not. For me, the key appears to be understanding women and how they communicate. I’ve always found the following a good guide: If the word "nothing" is uttered, this actually means "something" and you should be on your toes. The statement ‘Go ahead’ seemingly means that at some point in the future you are going to be in mighty big trouble. The word ‘Fine’ is the word women use to end an argument when they feel that they are right and you need to shut up. Never use the word ‘Fine’ to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments. So Rick, if you hear the three words ‘nothing’, ‘go ahead’ and ‘fine’ within a couple of minutes of each other your in big trouble!!

 

 

I have here a receipt from Wendy’s father that Rick’s been asked to sign.

 

It reads:

 

‘Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed and warranted. Keep topped up with expensive jewellery and lubricate with vodka orange and tea. Comes complete with all optional extras’ - my personal favourite being the nurses uniform.

 

Not to be outdone, Rick’s father has a receipt for Wendy to sign

 

‘Received one son, sold as seen, no refund under any circumstances. De-hydrates easily, top up regularly with water. ***Warning even small quantities of alcohol may result in severe sickness and almost certainly yawning!***

 

 

There are not many best men who can describe both the groom and the bride as true friends, but in that I'm lucky. It is an honour, although a most terrifying one, to have been asked to be one of the best men here today. But I do feel a certain relief to see the end of my duties in sight, as I'm totally certain that Rick will never have any need to ask me to be his best man again.

 

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, on a final and serious note, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to my very best friend and his beautiful new wife. To Rick and Wendy.

[Pete]

Reads fine to me.

 

Just take your time, don't gabble and have a put down ready for hecklers

[cookci]

cheers buddy

 

a put down how?

[JamieP]

nice speech... it aint easy but you look like you have it covered.

Ive done it twice now and again next year for my mate stuart, boy have i got some storys about him:blink:

[2JG]

Looks good to me dude, I was one of three best men a few months ago and I was the last one to go.

 

Fortunately for me the first guy to go crashed and burned which left it not to difficult for myself and the other guy.

 

Just remember to stay calm and talk to everyone in the room and all will be fine.

[Rob]

I think I'd drop the "reciept" bit. The "what women say and mean" is your main meat of the speech and it's ends with a strong punchline.

To continue on another thread about fathers and receipts then feels like "Oh god, he's going to go on and on"

Keep it short, sweet and funny and everyone will love you.

 

God knows, the father of the bride will go on for ages detailing every aspect of his daughters life.

 

I was at a wedding like that when after a good 10 minutes the father said, "And then she turned 5 and started at her first school"

[Ark]

It's a good speach (I'm going to steal some of it for my speach, when the time comes), but you will fly through it. Try 'performing' it in the mirror. Make a tape recording and time it, you'll see what I mean.

 

Keep the receipt joke, but make sure you have visual props to go with it (printed contract, etc). Lead into the second receipt with something like: "when I told Rick's father about the receipt for Wendy, he immediately scribbled out the following terms of sale..."

 

Remember, regardless of the other speaches, you're bringing up the rear - you're the comedian and people _want_ to laugh with you.

[Class One]

Be loud, be proud, and look around the room and get eyecontact with people, makes it more personal for them.

 

You're going to have to think of a put down, if you get a heckler, but keep it clean its a family day.

 

Don't let the speech ruin your day, its good keep it as it is, enjoy the moment, its good fun being best man.

[RobSheffield]

Peter Kayes at Bolton was the best....aye son we can all come too early, like your dad

[Suprasteve]

i also done one a few years back and like you i was terrified before hand but all went brilliantly.

 

All i can say is try not to think about it at all as the more you do the more nervous you'll be. Try and have a couple/few beers before hand to settle those nervous (not too many you don't want to be slurring!!!)

 

You really don't have to be that funny as people will laugh at almost anything as long as you deliver it with confidence which is the key factor. (not to say your speech isn't funny as it is)

 

another thing i found is if you read your speech to yourself at it only take 3 mins, it will take more like 10 mins when you do it for real as you'll be stopping for laughter, hecklers etc..but i'd try and keep it punchy and to the point without mumbling.

 

You can't go wrong with a couple of classic one liners (i.e. the Peter Kay that Rob mentioned)

 

I just found this...

 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as you can see there are two Best Men. So why does it take two of us to describe the Groom? Well, as the man in Moss Bros said, 'There's a lot to fit in'."

 

check out...

 

http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/

 

 

Good Luck mate, you'll love it.

[samsupra37]

im one of 2 best men... Below is my half of the speech! But im shaking worried even now thinking about it! f8*k knows how im gonna feel about doing it tomorrow!

 

 

 

One of the things that Rick and I have in common is our love of Cars. This reminds me of when Rick was 17 he purchased a Renault Clio and put such large alloys on, it had the acceleration of a bus, speed bumps were a disaster and the passenger capacity was limited too 2 passengers! He also filled the boot with speakers rendering it useless for luggage but good for deafening passers by.

 

Before he got his car he had bought an old, very large, slow motorbike. The only thing it was good for was mowing down the flowerbeds.

 

As you know as the best men it was our task to arrange the stag do. The fact that Rick can be out drunk by his bride and yawns every 5 minutes in night clubs did not bode well, but I think a good night was had by all and I hope you have got the sour cream smell out of your hair Rick.

 

 

How can Rick and Wendy ensure a happy marriage? A lot of advice has already come their way, some which may be of use, some of it may not. For me, the key appears to be understanding women and how they communicate. I’ve always found the following a good guide: If the word "nothing" is uttered, this actually means "something" and you should be on your toes. The statement ‘Go ahead’ seemingly means that at some point in the future you are going to be in mighty big trouble. The word ‘Fine’ is the word women use to end an argument when they feel that they are right and you need to shut up. Never use the word ‘Fine’ to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments. So Rick, if you hear the three words ‘nothing’, ‘go ahead’ and ‘fine’ within a couple of minutes of each other your in big trouble!!

 

 

I have here a receipt from Wendy’s father that Rick’s been asked to sign.

 

It reads:

 

‘Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed and warranted. Keep topped up with expensive jewellery and lubricate with vodka orange and tea. Comes complete with all optional extras’ - my personal favourite being the nurses uniform.

 

Not to be outdone, Rick’s father has a receipt for Wendy to sign

 

‘Received one son, sold as seen, no refund under any circumstances. De-hydrates easily, top up regularly with water. ***Warning even small quantities of alcohol may result in severe sickness and almost certainly yawning!***

 

 

There are not many best men who can describe both the groom and the bride as true friends, but in that I'm lucky. It is an honour, although a most terrifying one, to have been asked to be one of the best men here today. But I do feel a certain relief to see the end of my duties in sight, as I'm totally certain that Rick will never have any need to ask me to be his best man again.

 

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, on a final and serious note, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to my very best friend and his beautiful new wife. To Rick and Wendy.

 

That is excellent, I enjoyed reading well done you!!!!

[MarkTheBoy]

Good speech mate, I've got my second go at it next summer, its nerve racking but as long as you stay calm and have practised it a couple of times you'll be fine.

 

Have you searched the forum for the topic?

There have been several threads on here before with lots of good advice.

 

The only bit you might wanna be carefull with is the nurses uniform bit, the last thing a best man should do is embarrass the bride on the most important day of her life. The groom is fair game but steer clear of the little lady even if your sure it'll be taken in good faith by most, you would only have to upset 1 relative for it to get awkward.

 

You could change it to

 

"no modifications required, especially no nurses uniform as she is far too classy"

 

or something like that, anyone who knows her well may laugh because they know she regularly empties ann summers but aunt Rose won't be offended by the best man calling her favorite niece a tart.

 

Good luck mate

[cookci]

some good advise throughout this post... going to get an early one tonight

 

 

fingers crossed for tomorrow

 

 

thanks again

 

christian

[cookci]

Good speech mate, I've got my second go at it next summer, its nerve racking but as long as you stay calm and have practised it a couple of times you'll be fine.

 

Have you searched the forum for the topic?

There have been several threads on here before with lots of good advice.

 

The only bit you might wanna be carefull with is the nurses uniform bit, the last thing a best man should do is embarrass the bride on the most important day of her life. The groom is fair game but steer clear of the little lady even if your sure it'll be taken in good faith by most, you would only have to upset 1 relative for it to get awkward.

 

You could change it to

 

"no modifications required, especially no nurses uniform as she is far too classy"

 

or something like that, anyone who knows her well may laugh because they know she regularly empties ann summers but aunt Rose won't be offended by the best man calling her favorite niece a tart.

 

Good luck mate

 

 

 

she is a nurse though so think the joke is quite appropriate

 

cheers buddy

[MarkTheBoy]

she is a nurse though so think the joke is quite appropriate

 

cheers buddy

 

Then I guess that'll probably be ok then, I stand corrected

 

Good luck matey!

[jase_93tt]

Ive had the honour (or misfortune?!) of being best man a few times (not same groom!) - a few vodkas down the hatch beforehand always works a treat - just dont overdo it

[Suprasteve]

how'd it go cookci ?

[Suprasteve]

that well huh !?

[MarkTheBoy]

lol

 

Yeah come on, How'd it go?

[Darren-K]

i did best mans speech for my bros wedding mate,.

and i have a proper stammer.

i was ok if not brief.