penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 .... ok so you know i said i bumped into my x a few months ago whilst out with my current squeeze.... well - we carried on texting and then she unblocked me on her msn - we kinda starting talking about the past and got talkiing about the good times etc etc - it occured to me she still had deep if not deeper feelings now then ever before ... my current gf has been overseas for 6 odd weeks now - and she left on "shaky" ground - and i've been a bored man no - i've not gone and seen my x - although i'm SOOO tempted! but its her birthday on wednesday - so i stupidly went on interflora, and sent her card/roses and a bear .... and i've just realised she may get the wrong idea i've just given her the "oh you can still come and walk over me" card i need advice on damage control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Think you need to ask yourself what you really want. Were you totally over your ex? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Think you need to ask yourself what you really want. Were you totally over your ex? i dont think i am mate its been 18 months since i seen her besides the 1 min meet we had a few months ago.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I think before you rush anything, take some time and have a good think about things, how it was with your ex before you broke up, how things are now with your current girlfriend. Think about what you really want and who you can see a future with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 I think before you rush anything, take some time and have a good think about things, how it was with your ex before you broke up, how things are now with your current girlfriend. Think about what you really want and who you can see a future with. this is - it wasnt down to her or me breaking up - it was an arranged marriage thing her rents setup and she couldnt (as she put it) do anything about it - she said she is still supposed to marry the dude - but i think diffrent.... why else would she still be keen on me? .... it really was a very dark chapter in my life and an experience i wouldnt want anyone else to go through Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Also if you do have feelings for your ex, you will have to face upto them and make a decision, as you will never be able to move on properly with life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 this is - it wasnt down to her or me breaking up - it was an arranged marriage thing her rents setup and she couldnt (as she put it) do anything about it .... it really was a very dark chapter in my life Man i think me and you have a lot in common. Ive been in a similar position. Do you see a future together? will her parents get involved? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Waits for the idiots to say just go and bone here............... I echo Robert on this mate you have to really think on what you really want, will you split up again? was it a trust thing? If it was then there has to be trust or there is no "love" You really have to do some soul searching, the fact that your tempted can only mean that you do not hold your current relationship very highly as the thoughts are running through you. Do not rush into anything and if in doubt pull out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miko_supra Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 had the same problem. I stuck with the gf, as i figured i would feel very guilty and the chances of starting a propper relationship and not just fun was poor. Told the gf i was having doubts etc, then we talked and now things have never been better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Man i think me and you have a lot in common. Ive been in a similar position. Do you see a future together? will her parents get involved? honestly on my part - i always have seen a future ... her parents are pretty "traditional" and she was so scared at the thought of getting disowned we broke up cause of it you right james- i've not ever been happy since me and her broke up - i was pretty "head fucked" for a year or so - that first month really just was soul destroying - as it was something out of my control. 18 months on - and having "played the field" and seen whats out there- on the surface i'm back on good form - but below the surface i think i'm still stuck on her - and i get the vibes she is too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Ok sorry to be all harsh and reality about the situation but... Sounds to me like she knows she's the one pulling the strings. Think back to the way that the relationship ended, would you want to go through that again? You may still harber feelings for her (I think most of us do for any exs we have) but would you really want another relationship? Unfortunately when you haven't been with someone for a long time you can only remember the good times and not necessary the tearing your heart out times. Be strong, do the right thing. If you're not going to be with your current girlfriend, tell her and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that (especially for a penguin!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Wow.... Breaking something like an arranged marriage....eeek difficult one... Two completely clashing sides... Arranged marriage; forget about the past that you had and just keep pushing forward, but I'm feeling it isn't ideal. Going with your heart; Fighting a cultural thing is never going to be pleasant, as you say her parents are traditional, while your views are western (by my assumption) as are hers(?). While it will make you and her happy, it will possibily cause serious damage to the family structure on both sides. Not a position I would envy, however the only thing I would say. 'Go with your head', and go with what you think is the best, advice in this situation is pretty useless from anyone other than yourself, as you know all the facts, nobody else does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Wow.... Breaking something like an arranged marriage....eeek difficult one... Two completely clashing sides... Arranged marriage; forget about the past that you had and just keep pushing forward, but I'm feeling it isn't ideal. Going with your heart; Fighting a cultural thing is never going to be pleasant, as you say her parents are traditional, while your views are western (by my assumption) as are hers(?). While it will make you and her happy, it will possibily cause serious damage to the family structure on both sides. Not a position I would envy, however the only thing I would say. 'Go with your head', and go with what you think is the best, advice in this situation is pretty useless from anyone other than yourself, as you know all the facts, nobody else does. so very true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Don't take this the wrong way... but from her point of view.. 'arranged marriage' or 'the Penguin meister'..? Is she giving you 'the vibe' because the alternative is a bit grim...? like you're giving her a way out or something...? or is it all it's cracked up to be? and can you deal with her parents? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Ok sorry to be all harsh and reality about the situation but... Sounds to me like she knows she's the one pulling the strings. Think back to the way that the relationship ended, would you want to go through that again? You may still harber feelings for her (I think most of us do for any exs we have) but would you really want another relationship? Unfortunately when you haven't been with someone for a long time you can only remember the good times and not necessary the tearing your heart out times. Be strong, do the right thing. If you're not going to be with your current girlfriend, tell her and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that (especially for a penguin!). thats very true - all i can think about is the good times and there arn't that many in all honesty - as we use to argue all the time. i think i need a holiday to just get away from everything and chill out with my cocktails Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Don't take this the wrong way... but from her point of view.. 'arranged marriage' or 'the Penguin meister'..? Is she giving you 'the vibe' because the alternative is a bit grim...? like your giving her a way out or something...? or is it all it's cracked up to be? and can you deal with her parents? LOL - my cousin also said that - she said it could be downto the fact she's not really going to have much of a life with a bozo she don't really know - and that i'm just an "option" for her i dont know anyone from her family - so i cant really comment - but way shes described em in the past - i dont think i'd get on with em too great from "taking their daughter away" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 thats very true - all i can think about is the good times and there arn't that many in all honesty - as we use to argue all the time. i think i need a holiday to just get away from everything and chill out with my cocktails exactly, you know really that it's not right otherwise you wouldn't need to ask random supra owners. Take some time out, look forward to your new job (and new hot secretaries hopefully). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren-K Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 this is as good as my "girl advice " thread !!! Penguin, look .. when she calls round,give me a holla and we can "hi 5 " her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 exactly, you know really that it's not right otherwise you wouldn't need to ask random supra owners. Take some time out, look forward to your new job (and new hot secretaries hopefully). who would of thought i'd take advice from another woman about a woman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 you wouldn't need to ask random supra owners. I'm not random, I'm just clinically unstable.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 well - i suppose zero hour is on wednesday when she gets the flowers hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 this is as good as my "girl advice " thread !!! Penguin, look .. when she calls round,give me a holla and we can "hi 5 " her hehe i dont like sharing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 well - i suppose zero hour is on wednesday when she gets the flowers hehe Provided you haven't written anything too silly on the card... you can very simply talk your way out of it by saying something like... 'Hope you got the flowers I sent, you looked like you were going through a rough patch and although we HAVE our differences, I would still like to consider you a friend and someone you can talk to' A simple variation on the friend speech us men get SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO often... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 who would of thought i'd take advice from another woman about a woman That's true actually. Look what she did to you, you used to be such a woman hater!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Dublin Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 A simple variation on the friend speech us men get SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO often... Revenge is sweeeet!! My 2 cents: If you do try and get back and it doesn't work out for a 2nd time, do you really want to go thru getting over her all overagain? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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