Kittyclaws Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 was sent this via email, This is a genuine letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you *get to the response letter. SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or *contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: * * *Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the * * *outlet stream of Spring Pond. *A permit must be issued prior to the * * *start of this type of activity. * * *A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been * * *issued. *Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity * * *is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the * * *Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the * * *Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the * * *Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated. * * *The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams * * *partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and * * *flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature * * *are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department * * *therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this * * *location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by * * *removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream * * *channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than * * *January 31, 2006. * * *Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so * * *that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. * * *Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized * * *activity on the site may result in this case being referred for * * *elevated enforcement action. * * *We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this * * *matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have * * *any questions. * * *Sincerely, * * *David L. Price * * *District Representative and Water Management Division. * * *Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: * * *Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County * * *Dear Mr. Price, * * *Your certified letter dated 12/17/05 has been handed to me to * * *respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 * * *Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania. * * *A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of * * *constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the * * *outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, * * *nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly * * *offended that you call their skillful use of natures building * * *materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to * * *attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you * * *choose. * * *I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match * * *their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, * * *their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work * * *ethic. * * *As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they * * *must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of * * *dam activity. *My first dam question to you is: * * *(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, * * *or * * *(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to * * *said dam request? * * *If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, * * *through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies * * *of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been * * *issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of * * *Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and * * *Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, * * *being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled * * *Laws, annotated. * * *I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers * * *entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are * * *financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation * * *-- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The * * *Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed * * *during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is * * *a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. * * *In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather * * *than harassing them and calling their dam names. * * *If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition, * * *please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, * * *they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they * * *being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond * * *Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the * * *sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They * * *have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the * * *Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives * * *up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) * * *and the environment (Beavers' Dams). * * *So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be * * *referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait * * *until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice * * *then, and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to * * *contact/harass them then. * * *In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real * * *environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! * * *Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you * * *should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers * * *alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your * * *step! *The bears are not careful where they dump! * * *Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to * * *contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this * * *response to your dam office. * * *THANK YOU. * * *RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittyclaws Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 sorry about the dots,, copied it from email Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wkdtime Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 LOL classic, that was dam funny:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 thats pretty funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt H Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Dam! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Nice, shame we will never be able to read there responce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 LMFAO i love that! - go mr beaverman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian R Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Quality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flukey-lukey Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 lol... that made me chuckle. Looks like the guy has the same kinda sense of humour my dad has Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr lover Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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