Sub_Culture Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Got to give a Best Mans Speach tomorrow and need a decent introduction/opener with something funny that isnt rude and the same as all the others. Been racking my brain for ages.... anyone got any ideas? Help would be gratefully received! Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonball Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 I have done 3! Infortunately before this came out! http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sub_Culture Posted August 11, 2006 Author Share Posted August 11, 2006 I have done 3! Infortunately before this came out! http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/ Thanks, Paul. Had a scoot through that website earlier. Some of it is pretty funny. What I would give to have the guts to say some of those things! Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonball Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Linda. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today's passing by without much of a ripple Nice one to start In the run-up to today, Paul and Linda had a bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn’t decide who to put where. So as best man, I offered to step in and help work something out. What we finally decided was to use the wedding present list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and work it back from there. So if they can hear me at the back there, thank you to Tony and Sue for the oven glove. There are some stories you can tell at a wedding and then there are others that might be interesting to tell, but can't really be told. The ones that Paul invented about himself for the Reader's Letters section of Penthouse magazine would be a perfect example. My main duty today is to give you all an introduction to the groom, relating tales about his crazy adventures as a young man, his run-ins with the police, the marathon sessions in the pub and his string of meaningless flings. I should then introduce the benevolent influence of the bride on our young hero, as she struggled to tame a man with an approach to life that combined ape-like urges with gay abandon. Of course, I can't cover everything, so I'm just going to concentrate on the gay abandon. None of you will know this, but I've actually congratulated the groom already. 'Paul,' I said to him, 'Well done! You will always look back on today as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.' Fitting words, I thought, at the end of a fantastic stag do. Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you have just got married to Paul Wilson. I think all went well this morning in getting Paul ready for his big day. The condemned man ate a solid, hearty breakfast and arrived at the church sober and on time. My one disappointment would have to failing to arrange his last request as a single man - due to strong protests from the do-gooders at the Sheep Welfare Council. I've known Paul for many years and in some ways you could say I've been a father figure to him. I watched him drink from a bottle, I watched him stagger around naked, I watched him crawl, I've dressed and undressed him, cleaned up after him … and that was only last night! My first impression of Paul was a guy with a really distinctive sense of fashion style and, being young and impressionable, I started to copy him in the sorts of things he used to wear - until my mother grounded me for taking clothes from her wardrobe. Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Linda. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today's passing by without much of a ripple. I first met Paul when he was in his first job back at J.C. Andrews. We got on straight away, and found that we were totally on the same level. This was in 1985, when my father also worked there and had taken me along for a few days during the Easter holidays. I was 11 years old at the time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonball Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Just remember everyone is thankful it's NOT them up there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sub_Culture Posted August 11, 2006 Author Share Posted August 11, 2006 Very true, thanks, Paul. I will feel like Ive had the biggest weight lifted off my shoulder are these excruciating 5 minutes tomorrow! Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonball Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 5 minutes - actually you need to aim for 8 plus 2 minutes of thank yous and toasts Remember to golden rule about any public speaking 'You have got to have earned the right to be there!' And you have So deep breath...speak SLOWLY and LOUDLY from the stomach out ... chuck in a couple of funnies from above list...some heartfelt uppers about your mate (thats for the in-laws who want some idea that their daughter is not with an axe muderer!)... another quick marrage joke... then toast the bridemaids and then echo sentments about the happy couple etc... Best man speech rules Officially, the best man responds to the second toast on behalf of the bridesmaids and any other attendants. The best man is expected to deliver an optimistic, buoyant and funny speech keeping everyone present entertained. To ensure a successful speech, pay careful attention to the following points: 1. Try to say everything you need to say in less than 1000 words or 7 minutes. You don't have to cover every year of the groom's life. 2. Your speech needs humour, but no real detail. Think about whether you really need to recite a whole story. 3. Don't include more than one anecdote or reminiscence. At a typical reception half the guests don't know the other half. The speech must be entertaining even to people who have never met the characters you're talking about. 4. The speech should contain plenty of humour and friendly digs at the bridegroom. But it should also include an equal number of congratulatory and optimistic remarks. 5. Don't refer to previous girlfriends. 6. Compliment the bride. 7. Don't use swear words. 8. Consign the opening line and the next two lines of your speech to memory. Then, if necessary, read the rest word for word, but try to raise your head and speak to the audience as much as you can. 9. Speak loudly and slowly, and use pauses between sections of your speech or to let the laughter die down after you've delivered a killer line. See our Speech templates and Example speeches for ideas on how to organise your best man speech. Done and dusted - get pissed and snog the chief bridesmaid (not the mother-in-law, or the bride...!! ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDO Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Good Luck Andy.. Great advice Paul, May use some of those tips! Got the best man speach myself in a couple of weeks... not sure what stories to tell as its my dad getting remarried! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrivingTheDream Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 God I hope I never have to do one of these. Good Luck mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Very good advice, and always remember to adjust to the audience... Unlike a close friend of mine did when he was best man at a friends wedding.... (It was a very religious affair, 7th day adventists I believe).... He read a 'false' letter from a family that couldn't make it to the wedding.... The letter ended with 'From Liz, Joe and the entire Farking family'.... the silence which proceeded that,caused him to remove a large portion of the content from his speech and adlib it (which he managed to pull off in between stares from the bride's family)... Needless to say a few of us made some stiffled titters... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sub_Culture Posted August 11, 2006 Author Share Posted August 11, 2006 Thanks very much, everyone, Paul, great advice, thank you. Next time someone asks me to do this, I will know to tell them to politey f*ck off and find some other mug! Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkTheBoy Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Good advice mate, Ive got my 2nd Best man experience soon, my first speech went ok but ive never sh#t myself more in my life, I only knew about half a dozen people in the room! Practise it enough that you don't have to read word for word but you'll never remember it all so don't try. Keep your speech handy (or in front of you) so if you get stuck you don't get too much dead air time The most important thing to remember is that everybody wants your speech to go well, no one wants to see you get it all wrong and people will laugh at jokes they wouldn't normally even smile at. The old favorite "Hi im bob, the best man. Let me tell you its not the first time today that i've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand, but boy am I more nervous this time!" Bit of an oldie but usually gets a smile to get you going well. Good luck man, let us know how it goes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffvalenti Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Very good advice, and always remember to adjust to the audience... The letter ended with 'From Liz, Joe and the entire Farking family'.... Needless to say a few of us made some stiffled titters... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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