mr lover Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 what do you call a fly with no wings a walk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 When does Michael Jackson know its bedtime? When the big hand touches the little hand! (sickening!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 What do you call a man with a shovel? Dug. (Doug) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 what do you call a fly with no wings a walk Repost:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr lover Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 bugger you type fast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a ghost? One is white and scares children. The other is a ghost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 bugger you type fast It's a spelt correctly too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr lover Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 the fastest cake in the world scone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Jeremy Beadle has a large penis! but on the other hand its quite small. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUPRALOOPY Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Whats long green and smells of pork.................... Kermits middle finger.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Whats the difference between a dog and a fox? About 8 pints Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Jeremy Beadle has a large penis! but on the other hand its quite small. That is the funniest joke in the world. Ever. Always makes me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Longer one... A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's half-past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No. Get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: "Where are you?" And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swingset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adman Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Whats big, hard and full of seamen.....?? A submarine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Not only a long joke but a crap one too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mk47 Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Not only a long joke but a crap one too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 What's pink, wrinkled and hangs out your grandads pyjamas? Grandma. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr lover Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Not only a long joke but a crap one too. Bite me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 What do elephants have for lunch? An hour! Just like all the other animals... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 hands up who is reading their 'FHM Bar-Room Jokes book' ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesmark Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Ok a bit of role play with this one is required and someone to tell it too. The sentance in the () are the actions. have you ever heard of the Paralympics? You:- Whats this?? (pretend your in a wheelchair push it and throw a disc) Person:- The disciss You:- whats this?? (pretend your in a wheelchair push it and throw a Javalin) Person:- the Javlin You:- whats this?? (pretend your in a wheelchair and throw a short putt) Person:- The short putt You:- whats this?? (pretend your in a wheelchair push it and slap your head very fast) Person :- Dont know? You:- the hurdles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, "do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?". I said, "oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Two pieces of tarmac are in the bar enjoying a pint when a piece of red tarmac comes in and orders a pint, they rush over and say to the barman "don't serve him he's a cyclepath" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.