Ewen Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 My son and I went duck hunting with our spaniels the other day. I got four, my son didnt get any as he couldnt throw the dog high enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got a job?" The bartender says, "Do you have any experience mixing drinks?" The duck says, "I'll just wing it" I'm here all week... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoboblio Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room. He returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. She screamed, "$150.00!" "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ark Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 A man walks in to a bar with a cat and a duck and orders a pint. The duck says "I'll have the same"; the cat orders tap water. More rounds of drink are bought, the duck always having the same drink as the man, but the cat always has water, and never buys his round. At the end of the evening the barman asks the man "what's with the cat and the duck?" The man replies "I found this genie in a bottle who granted me one wish, so I wished for an agreeable bird with a tight pussy..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ark Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Two women die and go to heaven where Saint Peter greets them at the Pearly Gates and he says "Welcome to Heaven. There's only one rule here: don't step on the ducks, or you'll be chained to an ugly man for all eternity". The women say OK and go through the gates, where they see thousands of ducks. They're everywhere. Almost straight away one of the women trips and steps on a duck. Saint Peter comes over and says "What did I tell you? No stepping on the ducks", and he chains her to a REALLY ugly man. Weeks go by with the other woman treading really carefully and avoiding the ducks until finally Saint Peter comes over and says "Well done, you avoided the ducks, so I'm going to chain you to a really attractive man", and does as he said. The woman says to the man "Wow, I wonder what I did to get chained to you?", and the man replies "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lewis Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Ducks have no sphincter................. It's not a joke, but made me laugh In case you are wondering ... humans have 42 sphincters Sphincter Sphincter It's still funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tepster Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Q. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? A. Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers How do you turn a duck into a Soul singer? Put it in the oven until it's bill withers. A fkin repost in the same thread !!!!! Did u read the first part of the thread????????? NO!!! LOL !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrew7 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Is this a duck joke.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 A fkin repost in the same thread !!!!! Did u read the first part of the thread????????? NO!!! LOL !! Cocking 'ell, that wasn't there when I read it, it was only one page. It's a conspiracy I tells ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 double repost action, i like it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tepster Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 double repost action, i like it! just noticed that bit in ur sig: JAE got u wet!!11!one :rlol::rlol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 just noticed that bit in ur sig: JAE got u wet!!11!one :rlol::rlol: Well it's true. I was soaked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrew7 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Well it's true. I was soaked. ...and that sounds even worse.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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