Charlotte Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 A guy walks in to a quiet bar carrying three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the Barman. The Barman is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that people bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the toilet. Now, the Barman is alone with the ducks. After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation. "What's your name?" he says to one of the ducks. "Huey," answers the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh, that's nice," says the Barman. Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?". "Dewey," comes the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance, I would do it all again." So the Barman turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day." ..................................................................................................... Two ducks fancy a dirty weekend so they book themselves into a hotel. Upon arrival they find that they haven't got any condoms, so one duck suggests, "Ask room service to bring some up". The other duck agrees and phones room service and asks for the condoms. A boy appears at the room door soon after with the contraceptives and asks, "Would you like that on your bill sir?" The duck says, "Do I look like some kind of pervert?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 re.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin_a Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 careful with the birds... it is a bad idea to have sex with birds. (why?) because you could get chirpees. (what?) it's a canarial disease. (oh.) and it's untweetable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim_supra Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Lol, very good:d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 re.... Oh the shame! I thought they were probably as old as the internet itself but hey, tickled me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian R Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Your quackers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Oh the shame! I thought they were probably as old as the internet itself but hey, tickled me. TBF it was a little while ago and it is a good joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 Your quackers Love a duck! You're a fine one to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbourner Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 re.... .... lease Roderick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittyclaws Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Oh the shame! I thought they were probably as old as the internet itself but hey, tickled me. I posted the same joke some time ago, but instead of Ducks, they were Dogs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tepster Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 quap !! the 2nd one did raise a smile. still quap!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snooze Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Q. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? A. Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, "Cash or cheque?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathew Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 a duck walks into a bar and asks the barman..... duck: have you got any carling? barman: no. duck: have you got any carling? barman: no. duck: have you got any carling? barman: ask me that again and il nail you to the fooking wall!! duck: ok, i do apologise. have you got any nails instead? barman: no. duck: have you got any carling??!! i apologise in advance for this one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 they all made me laugh, especially the last one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 What did Detective Duck say to his partner? "Let's quack this case!" Ok i'll stop now.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathew Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 im just getting started!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittyclaws Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 What did Detective Duck say to his partner? "Let's quack this case!" Ok i'll stop now.... YES, PLEASE DO /vbb/images/smilies/bbcode_grin.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittyclaws Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver and informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where does he think he's going with all those ducks. The driver says that he just doesn't know what to do anymore. The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from there and that's where you should be taking them. That will take care of your problem." The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks. The next day the officer again sees the pick-up truck once again speeding down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are standing there with sunglasses. The officer pulls over the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" "I did that," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 YES, PLEASE DO /vbb/images/smilies/bbcode_grin.gif Three ducks are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking chick comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the first duck says, "I love liver and cheese." The chick replies, "That's not good enough." The second duck says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the third one says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittyclaws Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Three ducks are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking chick comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the first duck says, "I love liver and cheese." The chick replies, "That's not good enough." The second duck says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the third one says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine." I SAID STOP,,, PLEASE NO MORE,,LOL /vbb/images/smilies/bbcode_sad.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ark Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 A duck goes into a bar and asks for a pint of beer. The barman thinks "wow, a talking duck" and strikes up a conversation. He asks the duck what he's doing and the ducks says he's working on the building site across the road. The barman says "I know where you could work and make a fortune - the circus is in town". The duck says "The circus?" "Yes" says the barman. "You mean the circus with the big round tent?" asks the duck. "That's right" says the barman. The duck asks "What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 How do you turn a duck into a Soul singer? Put it in the oven until it's bill withers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 A duck goes into a bar and asks for a pint of beer. The barman thinks "wow, a talking duck" and strikes up a conversation. He asks the duck what he's doing and the ducks says he's working on the building site across the road. The barman says "I know where you could work and make a fortune - the circus is in town". The duck says "The circus?" "Yes" says the barman. "You mean the circus with the big round tent?" asks the duck. "That's right" says the barman. The duck asks "What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?" i love this joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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