Chris Wilson Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ----------------------------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. --------------------------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. --------------------------------------------------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Pmsl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ark Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. The mind boggles!!! HAHAHA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Those are brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonball Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. My fav Excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suprash Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 This one is quality...... The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoboblio Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouch got me Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 That was without dought the funniest thing I've read in ages. I'm sure you won't mind if I pass it on to our local parish rag. pmsl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Very good indeed, blessem... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian R Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Great made me chuckle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun. Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Thanks, they have made my lunchtime ! Shaun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Nice one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffvalenti Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. My fav Excellent Mine too Wonderful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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