Customer Enquiries...count yourselves lucky...

[MaveriK]

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get

through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

 

 

Samsung Electronics

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

 

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"

Operator: Doesn't the product name give you a clue?

 

 

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):

"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

 

 

Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

 

 

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

 

 

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

 

Computer Capers

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

Customer: "OK".

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".

Customer: "No".

Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No".

Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

 

 

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

 

 

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired;

however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organisation for "Termination without Cause".

 

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

 

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator: "Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller: "I don't know."

Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Operator: "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer

I'll be here all week!!

[Gaz Walker]

Like those a lot!

[Clarkey]

Like those a lot!

 

What ones do you traders get ? Do tell. Tell the truth!

[Tom S]

Seen the computer help desk before its great!!

[Ian R]

[Kopite]

[RedM]

Here are two that I've had.

 

Customer one rang complaing that he had a load of stuff missing. I enquired as to how many parcels he had received. He said two and we had sent two. Hmmm. He started going on about how urgent some of the missing items were. I said I'd look into it and call him back.

 

He calls me back a few minutes later to apologise. He had the parts. They were in one of the boxes. He just hadn't open it before calling me!

 

Second one: Customer rang complaing that the blue Xenon bulbs he ordered weren't blue. Part number was correct but they were not blue. I asked him what colour they were and he replied normal! This dragged on for almost three hours. I'd physically checked stock and couldn't see how he ended up with anything other than blue Xenons.

 

Eventually he said he'd open one of the bulb boxes and describe it to me. My heart sank. To his amazement it was a blue Xenon. All because it didn't come in a fancy pack liek you'd buy in Halfords he thought the plain box couln't possibly contain the right item. Twit.

[geoffvalenti]

No word of a lie, I had a customer who'd set her homepage to the pic below, and then wondered why she didn't seem to be able to get on the internet every time she ran Internet Explorer

[Soonto_HAS_soop]

When I worked for Halfords (in my youth), I once had someone phone up first thing on a saturday morning asking if I possibly had a spare key for his Ford as he had lost his....