chuck_legend Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Just got emailed these today!!!! cheeky bitch:p One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb... ----------------------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says,"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..." -------------------------------- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. _______________________ He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly. She said -Well, you succeeded. ______________________ He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. _______________________ He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror ______________________ Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor _______________________ A man and his wife, now in their 60's,were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! __________________ A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ________________________________ Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung? A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. _________________________________ Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. __________________________________ Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: one-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. _________________________________ Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. ________________________________ Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. _________________________________ Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A: Because not one will stop and ask directions. __________________________________ Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. ___________________________________ Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. _____________________________________ Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. __________________________________ Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 written by a woman perhaps... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun. Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 ..but some are funny, Damn ! Truth hurts sometimes Shaun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck_legend Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 written by a woman perhaps... woman have a sense of humour???....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 that's what they think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 yes, very amusing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck_legend Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 yes, very amusing well am glad u thot so!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black cat Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 20 years go may be. most of them are now the othe way round. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck_legend Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 that's what they think i think some may... depending on which half of the brain they actually have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaf Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 i reckon the woman who wrote it was probably on the blob at the time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck_legend Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 i reckon the woman who wrote it was probably on the blob at the time LMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Hey, the jokes are good, but what are we amoebas meant to say? (Probably a gay man wrote them, he he...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 i reckon the woman who wrote it was probably on the blob at the time I reckon you're probably single. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 20 years go may be. most of them are now the othe way round. What women taking 10000000000 attempts to fertilise? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I reckon you're probably single. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black cat Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I reckon you're probably single. quality:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaf Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 I reckon you're probably single. only on weekdays Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animal Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. LMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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