MaveriK Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 For anyone who's ever owned a cat... > > "Instructions for application of oral medicine to > domestic feline > ... or 'How to give a pill to a cat.'" > > 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your > left arm as if > holding a baby. Position right forefinger and > thumb on either > side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to > cheeks while > holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, > pop pill into > mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. > > 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind > sofa. Cradle > cat in left arm and repeat process. > > 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill > away. > > 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in > left arm, holding > rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open > and push pill > to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth > shut for a > count of 10. > > 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from > top of > wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. > > 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between > knees, holding > front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by > cat. Get > spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand > while forcing > wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and > rub cat's > throat vigorously. > > 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another > pill from foil > wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair > curtains. Carefully > sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to > one side for > gluing later. > > 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie > on cat with its > head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put > pill in end of > drinking straw, - force cat's mouth open with > pencil and blow down > drinking straw. > > 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to > humans, drink > glass of water to take taste away. Apply > Elastoplast to spouse's > forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold > water and soap. > > 10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get > another pill. > Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to > leave head > showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. > Flick pill down > throat with elastic band. > > 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door > back on hinges. > Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for > date of last > tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one > from bedroom. > > 12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree > across the road. > Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence > while swerving to > avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. > > 13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden > twine and bind > tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty > pruning gloves > from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small > spanner. Push pill > into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. > Hold head > vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to > wash pill > down. > > 14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit > quietly while > doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes > pill remnants > from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home > to order new > table. > > 15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and call > local pet shop to > see if they have any hamsters. I'll be here all week!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 They are little gits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garethr Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 You can't negotiate with a cat. They just don't have the same social skills as dogs. And they have more weapons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black cat Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 dogs scare the shit out of me!!!! so i have 2 cats and there black....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 C'mon, it's nothing like that. You just have to shove it down their throat and wait until they've swallowed the pill. They can't pretend after 10-20 seconds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteamAhead Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Reading that....laugh....I think thats why I love em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 http://www.max-boost.co.uk/stuff/cat.jpg feline bondage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyb10supra Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 we give our dog pills wraped up cleverly in a slice of ham.....he laps it up, down in one silly old dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnA Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 My cats buy their pills straight from the internet http://www.max-boost.co.uk/stuff/catcase.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sooper-supra Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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