Bill Prawn Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 THE DARWIN AWARDS 2005 Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners. Darwin Award Winners: 1. when his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. ( 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York Convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,”Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamanC Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 These are funny but aren't 'Darwins'. The Darwin Awards require the stupid person to have killed themselves or at least made themself incapable of reproducing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kip Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 Once again my sick sense of humour surfaces - absolutely brilliant - all of them, though for me the first with the gun had me sides splitting. Top post... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pig Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 number 10 def deserves a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyJawa Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 These are funny but aren't 'Darwins'. The Darwin Awards require the stupid person to have killed themselves or at least made themself incapable of reproducing. I was thinking exactly that myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 you have to admit they are funny none the less! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garetheves Posted November 24, 2005 Share Posted November 24, 2005 These are funny but aren't 'Darwins'. The Darwin Awards require the stupid person to have killed themselves or at least made themself incapable of reproducing. Doh! Beat me to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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