Ewen Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I have one of these up for grabs..... Not mint, but all there and in one piece. Im not selling it as such, as a member kindly gave me a front nose FOC that had the lip spoiler on it...Id be an asshole asking squillions for it then wouldnt I. So, for those that are interested...a competition. Best joke / most embarrasing photo / story behind the reasons for needing one....gets it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
super_supra Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 A bloke gets pulled over for speeding buy the police, Police man: why were you speeding Man says: I am late for work Police man: why what do you do Man says: I am a rectum stretcher Police man: what does that entail Man says: you start off by shoving one finger up, then two until you can get both your hands in then you strech it as wide as you can Police man: what do you do with an asshole that big Man says: give them a uniform and a speed gun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pixelfill Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I thought you were trying to recycle one of Ewen's own jokes there super, however following a search it is: 1 Penguin 2 Muffleman nice try though - it's this kind of bad humour that'll add to Ewen's archive. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 you see,.. this is what I love about our forum. members selling goods, not for cash, but laughs. Good work Ewen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
super_supra Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I thought you were trying to recycle one of Ewen's own jokes there super, however following a search it is: 1 Penguin 2 Muffleman nice try though - it's this kind of bad humour that'll add to Ewen's archive. Mike o dear i ll have to try harder then:cry: Q:Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? A:You can unscrew a lightbulb i know i said ill try harder:shrug: but realy need the splitter:tomato: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UltraFlynn Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 If this wins then I'll put the spoiler up for "auction" again because I don't need it.... Q: How do you make a woman scream for 10 mins after 0rgazm? A: Wipe your d1ck on the curtains Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamanC Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 ill let you in on a little story as to why i recently fired my secretary Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well Waking Up That Morning. I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would Be Pleasant And Say, "happy Birthday!", And Possibly Have A Present For Me. As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "happy Birthday." I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember. My Kids Came Into Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word. So When I Left For The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat Despondent. As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday!" It Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered. I Worked Until One O'clock And Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said, "you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday, Let's Go Out To Lunch, Just You And Me." I Said, "thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day. Let's Go!" We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go. We Dined Instead At A Little Place With A Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each And I Enjoyed The Meal Tremendously On The Way Back To The Office, Jane Said, "you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day... We Don't Need To Go Back To The Office, Do We?" I Responded, "i Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?" She Said, "let's Go To My Apartment." After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And Said, "boss, If You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be Right Back." "ok." I Nervously Replied. She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of Minutes, She Came Out Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake... Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens Of My Friends And Co-workers, All Singing "happy Birthday". And I Just Sat There... On The Couch... Naked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CardiffSupra Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Guy walks into the doctors "doctor doctor i think my wife is dead" Doc: "what makes you think this?" Guy: "Well the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pixelfill Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 DamanC - 1 Suprasteve 19/08/2005 2 DamanC 22/08/2005 3 Wez 21/10/2005 but I felt guilty for flaming super_supra so I couldn't let you off, especially as you were one of the original posters. (and then it was a repost ) Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris aka fonz Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?" I dont need the front lip by the way ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris aka fonz Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
super_supra Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I dont need the front lip by the way ! You can give it me though if you do win Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris aka fonz Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 tenner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamanC Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 DamanC - 1 Suprasteve 19/08/2005 2 DamanC 22/08/2005 3 Wez 21/10/2005 but I felt guilty for flaming super_supra so I couldn't let you off, especially as you were one of the original posters. (and then it was a repost ) Mike http://www.mattfacer.com/sounds/little%20britain/yeah%20I%20know%20mp3.mp3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pixelfill Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Im not selling it as such, as a member kindly gave me a front nose FOC that had the lip spoiler on it...Id be an asshole asking squillions for it then wouldnt I. Just a thought Ewen, you could "sell" the spoiler and send the money to Geoff Valenti for Dudes family, that way you don't look like an asshole, and this could contribute to the club.. of course you might not feel comfortable with this, and that would be completely understandable, and your right, but I guess it's perhaps something that might not have occurred to you. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pixelfill Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 http://www.mattfacer.com/sounds/little%20britain/yeah%20I%20know%20mp3.mp3 Nice one Daman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
super_supra Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 what’s the closing date for the compotation, and when will the winner be announced:whip: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackso11 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Whats a compotation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
super_supra Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Whats a compotation It the same as a competition but spelt wrong:rolleyes: i cant speel for my life:violin: Gary glitter goes home and his wife is packing his bags. Garywhat’s this all about? His wifeits because your a pedophile Garyoooh! Big words for a 6year old Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperSupra Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again...ONE, TWO, THREE..UUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it go? " The first mutters," It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. " You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperSupra Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Another one, sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperSupra Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Dam it I'm addicted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperSupra Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Is there a "I post funny posts anonymous" I can attend? I think I have a problem: A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun on the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have s*x with him. The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie,"if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have s*x with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,"said the bus driver guy "you could tell her you were God and command her to have s*x with you." Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have s*x with me first." The nun agrees but asks for an*l s*x so she might keep her virg*nity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!" The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markrzs Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Dam it I'm addicted! Classic ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperSupra Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 So? Who won the competition? I don't need it, I'm just curious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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