True hospital stories....or are they?

[Bill Prawn]

Apparently these are true stories.

The last one is very shocking you have been warned!!!!!

 

INNER SKELETON---

A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil,

suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20- inch long skeleton of a foetus, which she conceived a decade

earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never

expelled from her body.

 

FEMALE SOFA---

A 500lb. (35.5 stone!!!) woman from Illinois was examined in a

hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under

her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote

control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

 

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!

In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis.

He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and

it bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn I don't

think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she

had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

 

PING PONG ANYONE? ---

A 20-year-old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum.

He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete

mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his

anus using a funnel (as you do)?!!. The concrete then hardened (no

really!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a

perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a

ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank goodness!!)

 

BLIND DRUNK---

A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain

while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would

come out halfway, but they always popped back in. a nurse tried to

help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor

examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses

in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his

cornea!

 

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ---

 

A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in

bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen

and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained

to doctors that they had gone out for the evening for a romantic

dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to

administer oral sex on the man (Classy or what??). While in the

act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on

the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and

desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head

until she let go.

 

SHRIMP ANYONE?? ------

 

One morning around 5a.m., 22-year-old Susan DaLucci of Kittery

Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought

she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised

that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of

having diarrhoea, just out of the wrong hole. She wobbled to the

toilet and upon sitting on it; her vagina erupted into the most

horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing

pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and

squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while

she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and

neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms.

DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of the bathroom wearing

nothing but her bathrobe. Running down her leg, was a stream of

brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a

stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg, which was bent crossing her

other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted

up. When he lifted her leg to straighten her left leg to straighten

her body out, he exposed her vagina, at which point a creature, no

lager than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals

and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the

medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom

floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat

there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping back and

forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt nausea

setting in. when he put his face down the toilet to puke what he

saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet

without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby

mud shrimps flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think

that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:

 

Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of

shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain

and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell,

smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is

believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident, she had

purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub,

she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive

pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's

face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a

lesbian video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in

front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can

wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on

the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves

between the lobster tail joints. The lobsters face was lightly

burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive

track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings.

 

Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in

the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to

death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's

vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two

days gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting

her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual

cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp

which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets

sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs hatched and the mud

shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine

the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

[Jake]

The last one is definitely an urban myth. I remember it doing the rounds a couple of years ago.

[Jake]

http://www.snopes.com/risque/juvenile/lobster.htm

[Bill Prawn]

The last one is definitely an urban myth. I remember it doing the rounds a couple of years ago.

 

 

It is http://www.snopes.com/risque/juvenile/lobster.htm but it's still a good story:yes:

[TrickTT]

The first one is true - at least nearly true. I watched a documentary on Discovery channel about an Indian woman who had the mummified remains of a 47 year old foetus removed from her, so it can definately happen.