CJ Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE NORTH OF ENGLAND NAME_________________________________________________ NICK-NAME____________________________________________ GANG NAME ___________________________________________ 1. Deco has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells a "fat one" to the Vinster for 300 notes and 90 grams to Tommo for 90 quid a gram. What is the street value of the rest of his stash? 2. Ant pimps 3 brasses in the Hacienda bogs. If the price is 40 quid a ride, how many rides per day must each brass perform to support the Vinster's 500quid a day crack habit? 3. Whacka wants to cut the kilo of coke he bought for 7k to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need to make the coke "top banana"? 4. Baz got a 6-year stay at the Strangeways Hotel for murder. He also got £350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends £33,100 per month on thermal underwear and waterproof coats, how much money will be left when he gets to tread the cobbles again? Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his hard-earned cash? 5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint if you get 20% extra paint free? Extra Credit Bonus: How many cans will fit in the hood of a standard Kangol anorak? 6. Liam steals Eamo's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Eamo loads his brother's Armalite If it takes Eamo 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled before he gets "sorted"? MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE SOUTH OF ENGLAND: NAME____________________________________________________________________ ____ ________________________________________________________________________ ____ ________________________________________________________________________ ___ (if longer, please continue on separate sheet SCHOOL___________________________________ 1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing (x) amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local JP to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of (y). The difference between (x) and (y) is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving now? 2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month, she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what? 3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds? 4. If Jocasta throws up four times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace dress. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost? 5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However, he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Lmao!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR.B Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magicmatty Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Rofpmsl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian R Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
how_supra Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Very amusing. Good find CJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supra-lad Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim_supra Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sooper-supra Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prof. Monkey Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Which national curriculum book did you get tha out of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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