Chris Wilson Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hurricane Shazza hit in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering 'faaackinell'. The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "Jesus! It was a well big shock, d'ya know what I mean? me lil Chardonnay-Mercedes come runnin into me bedroom cryin. Me youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept froo it all, d'ya know what I mean? I was still shakin when I was watchin Trisha the next morning. Ya know what I mean don't ya?" Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: - Louis Vuitton or Burberry baseball caps. - Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers). - Shell suits (female). - White sport socks. - Rockport boots. - Any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: - Microwave meals. - Tins of baked beans. - Ice cream. - Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 will pay for a packet of > B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. **Breaking news** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alcopop - 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - 'ROMFORD mate' said the girl, 'woss that got to do wiv it?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyb10supra Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Oi Mr Wilson.....easy, im quite near Basildon he he The above does exist, but only to some!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Class One Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Oh that reminds me of the Herald of Free Enterprise joke! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee S Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 how do you know us so well up there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pig Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 i worked there just over a year ago.... i take it thats a true story??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Oh that reminds me of the Herald of Free Enterprise joke! Tell us Doug.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee S Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 i worked there just over a year ago.... i take it thats a true story??? a fair reflection some would say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADD Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 thats brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wez Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Wicked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slick Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 very good that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toyotasuprauk Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 I liked that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminator Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Thanks Chris very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suprarob Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 my wife s family are from down that way:yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUPRALOOPY Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 oh my god innit thats well true man....how does you know wat it is like innit. just cos you from up north you fink you can takes da piss...basildon is well wicked man i tell ya innit:rlol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.