how_supra Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one... Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ... Customer: No ... wait a minute ... I hadn't inserted it yet ...it's still on my desk...sorry Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of The screen. Customer: Your left or my left? Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm Not Bill Gates damn it! Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... Customer: I have problems printing in red... Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer? Customer: No. Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. Helpdesk: And now hit F8. Customer:It's not working. Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly? Customer:I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening... Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work! Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? Customer: I couldn't get on the Internet. Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. Helpdesk: What anti virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Helpdesk: That's not an anti virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears! Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you? Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me? Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem? Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me? Helpdesk: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 sadly, the keyboard walking one, the 5 star password, and the screensaver, i have actually had to deal with at work!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
how_supra Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 sadly, the keyboard walking one, the 5 star password, and the screensaver, i have actually had to deal with at work!!! Its the one where the person is asked to describe whats on their monitor that makes me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamanC Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 some of them are great we have all come across one or another Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffvalenti Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Just don't get me started about users and computers I shouldn't complain really, if everbody knew everything, I'd have no work Still some of the best are Customer: I can't get on the internet Me: are you sure everything is plugged in Customer: positive, I've checked and double checked. Me: OK I'll come round I drive there and switch on the PSU to the external modem 5 minutes later I'm on my way home counting the money Customer: I can't get email Me: what's your password Customer: I don't know. What do YOU think it could be? Me: get a dictionary and start from A Customer: my computer won't work Me: does it try to switch on? Customer: Oh yes, it makes the noises just that the TV bit is black Me: are you sure that the monitor is switched on? Customer: Positive, I never turn it off Drive to customers house, switch on monitor, collect cheque, drive home This happened yesterday. I'm testing an email account for a business customer, I send a mail to my usual test acount and it works OK. The senior office lady asked me to send an email to her colleague, who had happened to bring her laptop in that day. I asked if she had it connected to the network, and she gave me a bit of a blank look. To cut a long story short, she was convinced that if I sent an email to this person, it would miraculously appear on their laptop, although it was completely stand alone, and not connected to the internet in any way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 lol. hands up who has had one of their users walk into the IT room. put a laptop on the desk and say "i bought this from PC world, its got one of them centrino chips in, like the advert shows I should be able to get internet anywhere, like up a mountain, but its not working" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim_supra Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 LOL Brilliant! my favourite one was this: Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work! Classic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian C Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 "How do I get roman numerals? Do I need to use character mapper or something?" - that's my worst ever support call from many moons ago. Once, in a previous job, a girl came in to ask for a new mouse mat. I said "Serial mouse or PS2 mouse?" She was all like "ooh, I don't know, I can go and check?". "Nah", said I, "it's probably a PS2, most of them are." So I start flipping through all these mousemats going "serial, serial, serial, serial, serial, a fucking MAC!?! What are we doing with that?! , serial, serial, aha, here we are, PS2! You're lucky, last one!" Oooh, she was everso thankful. -Ian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wez Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Once, in a previous job, a girl came in to ask for a new mouse mat. I said "Serial mouse or PS2 mouse?" She was all like "ooh, I don't know, I can go and check?". "Nah", said I, "it's probably a PS2, most of them are." So I start flipping through all these mousemats going "serial, serial, serial, serial, serial, a fucking MAC!?! What are we doing with that?! , serial, serial, aha, here we are, PS2! You're lucky, last one!" Oooh, she was everso thankful. wicked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edd_t Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 my new boss is a d!ck, he takes what I tell him, and tells other people about it, as if it was his idea, to get the brownie points. a few times, ive made things up, stuff that sounds right, but isnt. hes then gone up to the company directors and spoken a load of bollox! its well funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamanC Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 lol. hands up who has had one of their users walk into the IT room. put a laptop on the desk and say "i bought this from PC world, its got one of them centrino chips in, like the advert shows I should be able to get internet anywhere, like up a mountain, but its not working" *Raises hand* i thought you were gonna say, who has had a pc dumped on their desk with no name, details or anything. 4 hours latter the owner turns up and asks......"have you fixed it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieSteve Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I had a job come through on help desk a few years back saying "autocorrect keeps correcting it's self". Job done, thanks for the call love Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dash Rendar Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I've got a few more for you here. My favourite one is where the support engineer told the customer they were too stupid to own a computer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 My favourite one is where the support engineer told the customer they were too stupid to own a computer. i heard that one mate, and Ian C - the PS2 mousemat is just too funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Just to show it works both ways: A work colleague of mine had his monitor blow up, so he telephones our (sub contracted out) IT support people to ask for a replacement. A few days later, and no new monitor. He's an old-skool guy pushing retirement who kept handwritten notes and even had a drawing board behind his desk, so he was still able to get on with stuff. A few more days pass, but still no new monitor. As the days turn into weeks he decides to chase it up so he telephones the IT bods again. Turns out they had a new monitor ready and waiting to go almost immediately, but they had e-mailed to ask when it would be a good time to come and connect it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyhawk Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I worked at Microsoft about 10 years ago doing support for Windows for Workgroups (for those who remember!), and while I was there I received loads of stupid calls, but a call my mate took beats them all hands down: This call went on for 45 minutes; it was a printing problem, where the user was stating that it simply wouldn't print; my mate tried every trick in the book to get something to come out, but to no avail. After 45 minutes, he was about to give up, and told the user that it was almost certainly a hardware problem, but then asked, rather apologetically, "The printer is on, isn't it?", to which the user said: "Oh, has it got to be on for these tests?..." My mate had to very calmly state that "Yes, this was necessary", and start all over again.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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