JustGav Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 This is a bit of a laughand I thought I would see how it goes here... http://www.supraforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317036&page=1&pp=25 The worst one I know isn't actually from me, but by a friend of mine when we were on holiday.... We were driving back home, 800 miles or so, in his Vauxhall Astra 2l turbo (yeah, yeah so it wasn't a supra back then)... and he decided to open it up a bit... we were doing just shy of 200kph when we got pulled over by the police... Policeman walked over and went through the license and papers bit.... and then said to my friend 'Do you know you were doing 195kph'... Now instead of taking the humble approach and being nice and civil in order to hope for a fine or even letting off.... he opens his big trap and says 'Yup, and I would have hit 200kph if you hadn't pulled me over' Needless to say I slid over into the drivers seat and followed him to his new home for the next 3 months.... Gav Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soonto_HAS_soop Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 200kph, is that all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 Hey when you are 17 and the speed limit is 120kph, 200kph seems SOOO dangerous... Gav Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 I so want to post on this thread.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian C Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 "Wow, how did you get those scars?" *pause for closer look* "Or are they just stretch marks?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeordieSteve Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 "ARE YOU BLOODY SUICIDAL" shouted by me at a guy who'd just opened his car door and got out infront of me.... while I was driving someone to hospital who had just taken an overdose the night before in order to end her own life. :\ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Me: "You've got something on your face there love" New girl at work: "I know. it's a birthmark" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 girl in my sixth form, had chronic achne on her neck meaning she had really red marks, and had a major thing about it my mate walks into the common room 'Hey Rob.........jesus Rachel....it looks like someone tried to strangle you' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doughie Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 "No come on Steve - you know i wasn't really ready that time. Let's do it again and don't go for it until the word go this time yeah?" - me after not being quite ready for a late-night arm-wrestle with a mate. The 2nd time we did it, there was a horribly loud cracking/snapping noise as my arm broke into 4 pieces, and slammed into the table. 4 hours of surgery, 7inch plate, 11 screws, and quite a lot of shouting and screaming later, i was good as new. (ish.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Mid '80s - I was in a pool team, playing a match in Gosport...much drink later, trouble kicked off and one of our guys was going to get blatted...Like a complete plank, I shouted 'OI, do you know who I am ? - I suggest you find out before you have a go at one of my mates' This seemed to work and I remember the admiring looks from a couple of girls as we got our shit together and left...outside, a group of the opposition came up to me and said 'by the way, just who the f are you ?'...the rest as they say, was emotional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith C Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Happened to me on Saturday. Literally, the one just gone: Hairdresser: "Blah blah kids, blah blah drone waffle" Me: "So, when are you expecting then?" Hairdresser: "I'm not." Stony silence Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scoboblio Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 Me and a mate talking to two girls in a local club; Them: "Most guys run off when we tell them we've got kids" Me (trying to be funny): "Most girls run off when we tell them we've got AIDS"....... We left shortly after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian C Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 "Hang on, you've got an eyelash..." *pause for closer look* "Oh no, it's just a wrinkle." --- Actually, cough cough, if anyone watched CSI Miami tonight, perhaps with friends like I did, while they were showing the shelf of sex toys and massage oils and stuff, god help me I pointed, pointed I say with my big long arms, and went "Hey! I've got one of" and then the conversational ABS kicked in, too late as ever, and I hid behind the sofa while the rooms occupants stared/pissed themselves laughing. It was the bottle of orange massage oil I promise. As bad as the time a good few years back, when my mum was watching a TV show about an ex-porn star who was doing community stuff and local radio. I looked up from my book and went "Is that Tabatha Cash?" to which my mother levelled a cool gaze at me and replied "How would you know?" I think the synchro's on my brain are gone -Ian PS Jake totally my sorta thing to say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesC Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 Me and a mate talking to two girls in a local club; Them: "Most guys run off when we tell them we've got kids" Me (trying to be funny): "Most girls run off when we tell them we've got AIDS"....... We left shortly after. HAHA, thats the type of thing i would say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supragal Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 Of course Ian would have the best ones of these. You jsut can't keep your thoughts to yourself eh? hahaaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 Actually, cough cough, if anyone watched CSI Miami tonight, perhaps with friends like I did, while they were showing the shelf of sex toys and massage oils and stuff, god help me I pointed, pointed I say with my big long arms, and went "Hey! I've got one of" and then the conversational ABS kicked in, too late as ever, and I hid behind the sofa while the rooms occupants stared/pissed themselves laughing. It was the bottle of orange massage oil I promise. Bizzarrely enough I did watch that. Hillarious. I was ribbing a young graduate about how he could afford a brand new Honda S2000 - giving it the "kids today don't know they're born" thing. Turns out his dad died recently and left him the cash. To my credit I did immediately say "Sorry, I feel like a bit of a f*cking idiot now". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellis Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 Couple of years ago I was being shown around a prospective school by the headmaster, a large chap whose face was covered in moles and other imperfections. Him "I'll show you round the whole school, the good bits and the bad" Me: "That's good, I think its important to see everything, warts and all" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceptik Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 I was about 14 and coming back from France with my dad on the ferry. Spotted 2 lovely young ladies down the corridor. Me being the horny type followed them. Got chatting to them and found out they were from Wales (with a VERY strong accent). We were chatting away when one asks, "So, Andrew, What's your surname?". Instead of saying "Im sorry, can you repeat that, i didnt understand what you said", i just sat there looking at the ceiling trying to figure out what had just been asked. Needless to say, they didnt stay very long after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Prawn Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 I had a phone call to inform me that someone had died. To which I replied without thinking: "You're joking" In hindsight not the best response Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cleland Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 i was sat munchin in town, in my old cossy days, talkin to a guy next to us i had known for ten minutes, when this girl crossed the road, with not much on, i said to the guy "not much holdin them babys in" she walked by n got in the guys car, i said "see ya" sheepishly, he never answered.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 I had a phone call to inform me that someone had died. To which I replied without thinking: "You're joking" In hindsight not the best response I've done that too. Doesn't go down well does it? One of my most memorable ones was a woman that used to work at a previous job of mine had a company car. In the space of about 3 weeks a few things happened to it, aerial broken off, roof tile landed on it, something else broke. I was being told this in the office when I blurted out "God, she really doesn't look after it does she?" To which a voice from behind a screen said "Actually I DO look after it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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