Ewen Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome goes to an audition at a top class hotel....he goes up to the girl on reception and says 'hello you hairy assed t**t face, I want to see the f*****g manager, please'. Alarmed, the girl calls the manager over....'hello you knob-splashed cling-on stuck to the f******g anal hairs of f******g humanity,' says the pianist, 'Ive come for the twa***g pianist job - Im f*****g good but Ive got c*****g Tourettes'. 'Er, ok' says the manager, 'Ill give you a try - what can you play, Chopin, Brahms anything classy like that ?'...'f**k Brahms' said the pianist 'and f******g f**k cu****g Chopin, I write my own stuff' and he marched over to the piano and proceeded to play the most amazingly moving and beautiful music, after which the manager, with tears in his eyes said 'that was incredible, what was it called ?' 'That was called "Ive just gizzed in your daughters f******g eyes, and now the c**ts blind" ' said the pianist...'er, do you have any, less racy titles ?' said the manager nervously...'f*****g loads' said the pianist 'Ive written a romantic f*****g ballad called "Im not saying your tw**s too big, but the last time I saw a hole that f******g big, a train was coming out of it" - or, how about my famous anthem "your ass is so f******g gorgeous, Id let you shit on my chest just to see it f******g wiggle" ?'....The manager, shocked, says 'look, you are undoubtably a genius, but I can only take you on if you dont talk to the guests, and whatever you do, dont introduce your music' The pianist agrees, and on his debut night, he plays a blinder - his music is an enormous success and the applause is deafening....his only problem throughout the evening is that theres a gorgeous blonde sitting directly in his line of sight so that he can see straight up her dress, and shes going commando and giving him the eye...hes so aroused that he takes a break and goes off to the loo to wack himself off....hes nearly done when he hears the audience clapping and shouting for some more music...he hurries out and does another hour of the most sublime music ever heard, and after bowing to thunderous applause, he goes to the bar for a drink..he sees the blonde walking up to him, he turns toward her, struggling to contain the tirade of foul language that had spoiled so many relationships in the past. She looks him up and down says 'do you know your dicks hanging out and theres spu*k-juice dribbling all down your trousers ?'.....'Do I f******g know it?' he replies. 'I f******g wrote it' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobSheffield Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Ewen, i like your jokes - that one was classic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Walker Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 A true classic Gaz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garetheves Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 That is actually a good one mate. Ill try and remember it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timwildman Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 thats is good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Liked that one I voted for it too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magicmatty Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Always Class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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