rant Are relationships worth the hassle?

[Max5437]

They key to it is, when you're not looking for love, it tends to fall in your lap. Also mate, its probably a classic case of you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. A confident man is attractive. Apparently...

 

Cheers, think your right about it falling in your lap when you least expect it as that was the case for sure this time and yeah some serious self development is going to be needed, thank you

 

Everything Al said is nail on the head. Just to also echo if you need another set of ears for the psychological side of it give me a pm.

 

I still remember my first love from 18 years ago, there's never anything like it although time (sounds clichéd) is a good healer and you do eventually find your eyes opening to the fact that the way things are wouldn't have been sustainable over a lifetime.

 

Chalk it off as your first big lesson in love, and prioritise yourself.

 

If bedding dozens of birds at uni and going to car shows etc and partying all the time isn't your thing then just find yourself a hobby and enjoy it for you and you only.

 

All the best mate.

 

Cheers mate, much appreciated and your right, in just 10 months i was worn down an incredible amount, i dont think i could have coped with it going on for much longer, going to take Al's advice and try some new things and hopefully that will help. thanks

 

Wow. Sorry to read that bud it's never a good situation to be in. I think most can relate to this situation at some stage in our lives. No offence but she sounds like a right spoiled selfish Ar##hole. She will do the same to the next guy although it's not nice to read how happy she is. For all you know it's a smoke screen so people see it but it may not be 100% true. Focus on yourself mate and get back on track. Keep busy and don't let it get to you. Not all women are like that, granted they are ALL mental but they just vary in level being a muppet. Chin up Mate and hope it gets better for you. It will there's no mistake about that bud. To be honest with it ending you dodged a bullet she could have ended up pregnant and seen her true colours of selfishness for years to come.

 

Beer and strippers for a few months mate and knock a few angry wanks out it will all be fine dude.

 

Thank you, Ironically enough she turned up at college and said how she was really miserable and how she just put it up in the hopes of hurting me like i apparently hurt her by leaving and how she would do anything to get me back, shutting her down is hard as there is still a large part of me that cares but i know that its not in my best interest and that she has lied so many times about it being different i don't even believe her anymore. your right about the whole pregnancy thing, she couldnt have coped and no doubt that situation could have been a living hell of comprehensible magnitude. cheers 0

 

Q: "Are relationships worth the hassle?"

A: Too many people seem to put up with a lot of crap from their partner because they believe that can't do any better. A friend of mine used to come into work after every weekend and tell me about unholy rows they'd had like it was just normal, a matter of course. Doesn't everyone do this?

He split up from his ex and found someone really nice and he suddenly realised he'd spent years of torment with this previous woman and that it wasn't normal at all!

 

I'm lucky I found someone who is kind, understanding, shares the same views on most things and we both have give and take in the relationship.

We've probably had two arguments in our time together - that's over 22 years now. We might disagree on a few things, but no proper rows.

 

My advice, find someone you can get on with in life...everybody needs somebody.

 

Don't ask me where to find this in the modern world though, that's a complete mystery to me.

 

Oh, and don't try too hard. Sit back, enjoy being single for a while and the time you have to yourself for now. Getting stressed out about it will only make it more difficult.

 

Cheers mate, nice to hear a few happy stories and your right i'm sure in time it will improve, i sound like your mate did with all my mates saying it wasn't normal but me not knowing any better just took it as them being in a different situation and not understanding, more fool me. just going to give it time and hope the right girl comes along eventually, thank you

 

mate read this:-

 

http://www.mkivsupra.net/vbb/showthread.php?323358-Im-Finally-Back-Properly-My-story

 

that was my story, if you want to talk, pm me bro.

 

Wow that was quite a read and have an awful lot of respect for you from going from that to where you are now, its worrying as i could have seen this relationship going that very route, its terrifying frankly and I'm really pleased for you that you have found the right girl now and have things sorted out. makes me feel a little silly about how i feel as it is nothing compared. thanks like with Al really appreciate your offer and will take you up on it as its great to know theres adults who can empathise and understand although at a significantly lower level than the two of you went through and are willing to give an ear to me, thank you.

 

Firstly, good lad for writing this up the way you have. It takes guts to share personal information about relationships and loved ones, especially when the details involved aren't exactly enlightening. Second, I think that everyone in life, at one point or another, will find themselves in a relationship that they have serious doubts about, and that's when things are usually the toughest. I'd know because I've been there already, twice, but the fact is you need to do whatever it is that you need/want to do, and in this situation I honestly believe a great amount of good will come from walking away from this girl. It will be tough because she's your first real love and you've never shared the experiences that you've had with her with anyone else, but going from what you have written she sounds like bad news my friend. You say your entire life you have been somewhat 'shy', well now it is the perfect time to put your own priorities first, get out there and socialize with new people, get your degree, land a solid job and start living life your way. Maybe even meet a new lass - who knows. Excuse the phrase but you only live once, so make the most of it!

 

Thank you, wasn't expecting this magnitude of replies to be honest. I agree that walking away is the best option although it is also the hardest, those feeling for someone don't disappear overnight and her begging for me back tonight was a lot tougher than I thought it would be, its horrible to hear someone you care about sound that upset and frankly desperate and knowing its in my power to make her feel better made it all the harder but alas have stuck to my guns and held to the point that too much has happened for me and her to ever fix things and that we both need to accept the situation. people don't change even if they want too, and she will never be the sought to put me first and i need somone who cares in the same way i do/did about her. cheers will be sure to try and live a bit more than i used to that's for sure.

[Max5437]

Dude...

 

From the sounds of it, you wanted out.. and for good reasons. She knew this and that's why she posted those childish tweets. They were for your benefit and no one else's. Remember that.

 

Getting over someone can be hard, especially if they are playing games as she seems to be doing. My advice: remember her for who she really was. Forget the good times and focus on how selfish and dark she really is to the core (from the sounds of it). It'll help.

 

Without sounding too cheesy, this is the start of your 'love life'. You meet some good ones, you meet some horrific ones. Just be thankful you're a step closer to the person who truly deserves you, your family... and your best mate.

 

Chin up.

 

I think im going to have to do that because after her turning up and telling her how she'd do anything for me back has made this so much harder. need to focus on the bad times and the reasons as to why i left in the first place. hopefully less horrific from now on as she keeps playing games with me and its torturing us both, i like the thought that this is just progress towards the right girl for me, thank you

 

You may find that once you have walked away, she may come running. That is the time to show back bone and tell her a few home truths. That type of people don't deserve happiness. You want someone who thinks of YOU first, even before themselves.

 

Good luck and don't try to hard. It's not as if you had kids, house etc. Then it gets really complicated..!!

 

H.

 

Ironically enough that is exactly what happened today, tried to stay strong with it all but she seems determined to prove that she can change and its awful to admit i wish she could although deep down I know she never will, that's all i ever wanted of her to be honest, to be concidered and put first for a change, to be treated the way i treated her and that just never happened. yes thank god it wasnt to that degree of i dread to think of how the situation could have been. thank you

 

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Well done for opening up here, we got a lovely community of people and like you say a wealth of experiences.

 

I can only add that you have certainly dodged a bullet and you should be very grateful, I have sort of been there with an ex but luckily it didn't last long at all. The best I think was to block her entirely, so block phone, didn't have much social media back then but blocked from that and thankfully I was very happy. She tried getting in touch through friends but I just reminded them I am not interested in the slightest bit, even though she wanted to be just friends.

 

Thank you, wasnt expecting this many responses but its very reassuring to not feel so alone in dealing with it. I have the feeling that K will be more persistent as she knows where i live, where i work, my shifts and where i am at set times during the day so fear this is far from over and its just making us both suffer more, but like you said getting out now is for the best and although it might get drawn out its the right choice.

 

lol I know its not meant to be funny but I guess what you mean is that, there is someone out there worst off than you.

 

Max, just like every member has said so far, be thankful you spilt up now. No one gets over a heart break quickly but in time you will see you dodged a bullet.

 

For now focus on your degree and get yourself back on track plus, you are in college/uni plenty of new people to meet. You are still young plenty of time so don't need to rush yourself.

 

Cheers mate, appreciate your input, who knows what the future will bring, thanks