Max5437 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Bit of a random post but guess I'm hoping for some form of reassurance as there have always seemed to be a good community and a lot of people who bring partners to events ect and currently feel hopeless with the whole topic and being surrounded by people who say it doesn't matter, get over it and just find a new bird has made me feel 100% worse about the whole situation. well i guess it makes sense to sum up what I'm rambling about. to be fair even if no one bothers to read it will just be nice to get off my chest i guess lol missing out a lot but here goes To start of with i am pathetically shy and have never had a girlfriend previous to this and am/was pretty much a recluse, went out literally a few times a year socially and just went to work and the gym but i was happy with that, anyways met a girl at work here after referred to as"K" last November/December, got together on new years day (mistake no.1) and just fell madly in love with her as she was the opposite of me, didn't think about the future, spent her money of whatever she fancied, a complete free spirit and she made me live my life for the first time and that was great (mistake no.2). I gave her everything i possibly could, if she asked for it if i could possibly do it i would, her happiness literally meant the world to me. Then the problems started, she hated my best friend of 3 years and my family and after months of arguing my best friend went and i never heard a word from my friend again and my family disappeared too as they didn't know why she hated them (Mistake no.3) around the same time K was having trouble at work and was taking the stress out on me but i accepted that and supported her the best i could. I literally stayed at her house every night for the past 9 1/2 months as it made her happy to have me there (or so i thought) so i revolved my life around her, I almost ruined the first year of my degree because she always came first, i put up with psychological abuse every day for the past 6 months because all i wanted was to make K happy and was madly in love for the first time, every day she would accuse me of cheating, lying, hating her, conspiring against her, she blamed everything on me, she was diagnosed with depression so again i stayed with her to help her through it, i couldn't morally leave someone to deal with that alone and on top she blamed me for her being depressed so guilted me and i felt obligated to stay. After this happening for a few months I couldn't cope anymore and I left, and she cried, turned up at my house, turned up at my work (she was fired shortly after being diagnosed) but i kept away till i broke and gave her another chance using the two holidays we had taken as proof that we could be that happy together again (Mistake no.4) Now at this point i had just had a meeting about the second year of my degree and i was allowed back on the course but had to resubmit assignments from the previous year and I made sure that K was aware that college had to come first this year and she accepted that or so i thought. (also a irrelevant side note is she was on 3x my salary yet i had spent the best part of 5K half my student loan and all my wages on her yet she spent her money on only herself, i got a keyring when we went on holiday costing £1.50 yet i spent over £100 on her :/ ) K of course didn't like college coming first so tried to make me drop my degree to spend more time with her which i'm proud to say i didn't, as such the arguing and abuse got worse and worse till i didn't recognise myself in the mirror nor the girl i was spending all my free time with and i stopped spending a penny on her too. Then she told me that she would stay with me till i go to Uni in September (to do the last year of my degree) but dosent do distance. this pushed me to tell her that i couldn't stay with her then as despite everything I don't want a relationship with an expiry date and at this point i had grown a pair and started to put myself first a bit. the key problem was i still cared and loved her like a fool, she is literally the only girl who has shown any interest and has made me feel wanted (I have plenty of insecurities due to a childhood of being bullied which i think is why i stuck with her, she made me feel a way i never had, like i mattered) well this week everything was finalised, we both care about each other (allegedly) but we were happier now separated. well i could live with that as we both seemed to be in the same boat and sometimes you cant force things to work and im logical enough to accept that. but tonight i checked her twitter feed just to make sure she was okay (she is still dealing with depression and a new job) and see tweets saying "No one else has ever given me the same feeling you do, after all these years and you're still able to do it " "My relationship ended months ago, we just never accepted it until recently but we've both moved on & I wish him nothing but happiness" "Can't wait to see him tonight. Cuddle, film, pizza, perfect night! #excited" "So glad to finally be out of that dreadful relationship. Can start to build my confidence back up now " plus a few more but the gist is clear, safe to say I'm completely heartbroken, not even 24 hours after we finish properly and shes with someone new and its killed me inside and i feel like i'm going to snap and don't know whether to drive to hers and destroy everything she owns or to just give up on life completely hence me sitting here at 3am writing out this rant about how messed up this all is. the other hardest aspect is that she is the first person I did a lot of things with, first person i slept with, first holiday, first valentines, first road trip, first girl introduced to my parents and having to meet hers, just everything was with her and now i feel like because i chose myself and my future i have lost the person i invested everything i could with but also that i must have been worthless to her as i was replaced so easily. I have never felt so down about myself or had less self confidence and i'm sat here hoping someone will pop up and just tell me that it will all be worth it when the right person comes along, just hope someone who's gone through something similar can advise because all but 2 of my mates are useless and just making this harder to deal with. Sorry to put a dampener on anyone who reads this just didn't know where else i might get some helpful replies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creative Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I think everyone has gone through it at some point fella. Being shy makes it feel worse. Ignore social media, get back to the Gym and concentrate on your course, Your better off without her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max5437 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Thank you, i appreciate it, just feel so worthless now knowing i was so simple to replace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mc92 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Nah they aren't worth it, got my car and my dogs what more do I need in life Seriously though, my advice is remove her from all social media and never talk to her again, she doesn't sound like she's worth being upset over. It'll suck for the first week or two but you will get over it. I've known a couple of people who have been with these types of girls (myself included unfortunately) and they do prey on shy guys because it's easy to guilt them and get them to do things. Your future is worth more than your relationships in any case, so focus on your course and your hobbies and don't worry about girls too much for the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max5437 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Its so horrible to feel so used, she is already blocked on everything and again like a mug i only checked her twitter because i was concerned for her well being and it backfired severely, guess ill just have to get through the next few weeks, thank you btw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evinX Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Your just going to have to learn to take it and brush it off, as your first itll be the worst one and the one you always remember. Theres only 1st love which will be totally different to the rest. What a great feeling and time you had eh! Most of us have had it...your not the only one. This is why you cant put yourself in someone elses hand. Look at her, 24hrs and shes on it already? Bro...shes been talking with this other dude for a while, garunteed. She let you fall for her and f**ked you off. Simples for her. And that's it, that's how it goes...not worth it unless shes super super special. And no...having a supra dosent fill 'that' gap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mondo HnS Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Social media is a bit of a curse for people today, in my opinion - great in some respects, but such an easy medium for people to use to pretend their life is something it's not. From what you've written, she sounds as if she's got some pretty big issues... have you considered the possibility that her Tweets are designed solely to wound you and may not actually be true...? I've become a bit of a cynic over the years and tend not to take too much on social media at face value so, if it were me in your shoes, I'd be questioning whether things were written specifically with you in mind, rather than being factually correct. If what she's written is true then honestly, you're better off far away from her! She sounds incredibly self-absorbed and, frankly, really ungrateful - nobody needs someone like that in their life, mate. I've been where you've been and it's not pleasant or easy to get through, but you will get through it. Just tell yourself all the things you've written here and she'll start to fade into memory, where she belongs... Chin up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evinX Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Just tell yourself all the things you've written here and she'll start to fade into memory, where she belongs... Chin up! And new doors shall open Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Massey Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Dude, first things first, you're not alone. It happens. Staying with her through depression is admirable. Not your fault, or hers it just happens. Second thing, may sound harsh but shit happens. I've lived by that philosophy ever since I lost my grandad (he was my hero and all he ever wanted was to see me join the same regiment he had served in. As well as my Dad so it was a massive thing when I joined) Thirdly, she sounds like she needs someone in her life. She's probably had depression for many years but never knew. She needs attention from a significant other, probably not received it properly in her younger years. But she can't cope with it, but still craves it. You had your own issues, which quite frankly you haven't dealt with either and projected onto her, while she was projecting her issues on to you. There is a good side to this believe it or not. You experienced life, something different to your norm. Out of your comfort zone and something out of character. What you need to do is now embrace that. Choose 1 day a week where you do something different than what you normally do. And by the sounds of it, your shyness has cause a depressive state within you and you just haven't noticed. If you ever need a chat give me a shout. I suffered severe depression and PTSD after I was shot in Iraq, which changed me completely. Took me a long time to get over certain aspects, but one thing I found great was being open about it. Once I accepted my flaws and faults I got better. Don't try and think about the negatives of that relationship, it ended bad and had so many bad memories at the end, but concentrate on the good. Those times you felt great, you need that in your normal life. Good luck bud Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 From what I have read, you have had a lucky escape. I am assuming you are young (20's). She sounds like a very selfish and toxic individual and hides behind stress and depression as a means to control you. You have pretty much sold yourself short to her and "given" yourself to her at a very early stage. Relationships need so much chemistry to work long term but the main thing is mutual respect and it sounds like she doesn't respect you. If she has moved on so quickly, that pretty much seals it. Let someone else put up with her baggage..!! I know you are shy but most people want what you want, attention. With social media and dating sites, it has never been easier to meet people. There are women out there who would really appreciate how kind and considerate you are but don't be a doormat. People treat you how you allow yourself to be treated.... I know you are shy but you need to overcome that and just accept that you need to start again. From what you have posted, I wouldn't go back there for anything..!! Unless she had decent tits. H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaveriK Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Unless she had decent tits. H. Good point, well made. They are so different to us its hard to believe, why would you trust something that bleeds for a quarter of its adult life and doesn't die? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy442 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Every time I read a story like this it just reinforces my resolve to stay single. I couldnt be happier doing my own thing when I want, going where I want and can never understand people's single, bloody minded desire to get in a relationship. I have a female friend who is exactly like that, depsite all that she has she doesnt feel complete unless she has an other half. I feel sorry for you but hopefully you've learnt a valuable life lesson - Always put yourself first, never sacrifice your mental health or money for a woman, theyre basically just snakes with tits... And besides the stats for relationships lasting the course are depressingly low so at some point, you're all going to go through it. And with that cheery thought I bid you Happy Friday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David P Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 You'll soon realise that you've had a lucky escape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjy Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Unless she had decent tits. H. Any evidence of this? Revenge porn may make you feel better... [emoji6] A few points. 1. B*tches be crazy. 2. If we couldn't shag 'em, we wouldn't bother. 3. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Better fish too, by the sounds of things. 4. Don't bother looking for Miss Right. Have a dabble with Miss Right-Now, whoever they may be. Enjoy yourself. You'll bump into Miss Right when the time's right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheTurtleshead Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Sounds like my mum...! Seriously, she sounds broken, and sometimes you just have to throw broken things away and find something new. Chin up, it can work. I've got an absolute diamond of a girl, and I just sort of fell into the relationship. Concentrate on living your life how you want and it the rest will come naturally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dnk Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Dodged a bullet imo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie_b Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Very good advice particularly from Al. My 2p worth: 1) It's really hard with your first love. You do a lot of things for the first time (not just sex). The rush of feel-good chemicals in your brain when you're in love can be extremely powerful, and the feeling and memories really gets under your skin (in a great way when it's going well, and in a "I'm grasping a burning hot coal" painful kind of way when it's not). 2) Why has Havard not prescribed a lemsip and a w**k? Is he feeling OK? 3) I do think you're better off without her. That's really cliched and sounds straight out of the agony-aunt pages, but I believe it to be true. I refer to Al's excellent advice here. Sure, she has depression and probably needs support to help her with that. Her treating you like dirt may be a symptom of that, but it won't help her or you. 4) You probably hate her right now for posting up that stuff about seeing another guy. I think she's done you a favour by saying that. It's clarified that she's either using emotional blackmail to win you back (and that story's unlikely to have a happy ending, because I can't see that behaviour changing for a very long time) or b) she is very quick to move on, which suggests she was either seeing someone else already, or she is desperate to have a boyfriend. Needing a boyfriend/girlfriend is different from finding someone you want to spend your life with. One starts with "I need a guy/girl, I'll go out and find one", and the other is "Wow, you're fantastic, can we get to know each other better?" Try not to hate her. I don't think she was with you for the intention of using you. Love is tricky. She's dealing with the breakup in the way she knows. So must you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheTurtleshead Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Double post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest markolambo Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Feels like the Jeremy Kyle show....man up...take the Sup for a energetic drive...get bladdered and move on....lifes to short.....ps.....fish..sea...rod... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cered Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 #1 - Go back to the gym, try a different workout and alter your diet. Set some goals e.g. "I have 14" biceps... I'll give myself 3 months to go up to 14.5"" #2 - Talk to your friends, see how they're doing, invite them out to dinner/pub/come over and play some video games #3 - Get some chores done like painting your house or buy some new furniture #4 - Unfollow/unfriend the girl on social media, she clearly has a disregard for your feelings. Just get rid of her #5 - You're not alone, happens to everyone. You're allowed to be sad, it's natural. Just focus on yourself for a bit. Bonus point: Bad news is your friends who are in relationships are lucky... They only have to please one woman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooter Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Dodged a bullet imo Abso-ferkin-lutely!!! Don't always listen to family and friends, but do take notice if everyone is saying the same. Needs to be give and take, which doesn't mean one gives the other takes! Focus on 'you' for a bit, studying, car etc and it'll pan out. That relationship wasn't worth it, others will be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooter Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fitz Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 As mentioned by everyone, it seems your life would be much better off without her and respect for trying to help her with her depression, not an easy thing to do. I'd now take some time back for yourself and start doing what you want to do; get back down the gym, concentrate on your studies, make amends with your friends and family. Things will pick up for you, everything will happen in its own time...life is a crazy journey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManwithSupra Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I would say yes relationships are worth it, once you get the right one, I have been with my missus now for getting on for 11 years and married for 8 of that, however even then its not that easy.. but the pros outweigh the cons. Beforehand I had relationships and experiences which almost mimic exactly what you are going through. However, its these bad relationships which also help mold you into a different person, how to look at things differently, how to act differently in a situation, I know for sure that If i didn't have bad relationships in the past where I learnt valuable lessons on how to treat and be treated my relationship now would probably not be existent. It sounds like you are quite young, experience is earned over tine and you have to look at it that way otherwise you will shrink back. Keep moving forward, yeah it feels really bad when you see things like that. I walked in on one of my ex GF with another guy who didn't know I was her current BF, it turns out she had two phones one for me and one for him. Looking back I should have seen the signs of which I wont go into now but if you have no experience of that then its hard to spot. The most important thing is once a relationship is over even if its "friends" (After a relationship friends hardly ever works as one person will always want more than the other) don't look back or see how they are doing, once girls are done with a guy they will have nothing good to say as the majority are too weak to admit that they were part of the problem, its easier to blame it on the guy and make themselves look like they were the victim. Its why guys get such a bad wrap all the time... For the meantime, forget her, get involved in the car, surround yourself with mates, go to meets it will get easier to handle over time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supra joe Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Been through this sort of relationship in my early 20s what a waste of my life. 24hrs and getting with someone else lol.... She's a slag fella. Best to stay away from that sort, even if the sandwiches are good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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