A joke, well kinda!!

[MaveriK]

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health automated hotline.

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

 

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

 

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and The Voices will tell you which number to press.

 

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.

 

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

 

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

 

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

 

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

 

If you have Bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

 

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

[Steve W]

LUV IT

 

Heard a much shorter version of it somewhere, but someone's taken time over

it now.

 

[ problem is it's funny in a worryingly "real" way.... you feel like that when

you're listening to some of these bl**dy switchboards ! ! !

Ever get those "choices" where NONE of them apply - and there IS no human choice !?! ]

 

Fats.

 

BTW... 'scuse my thickness, what's Bi-polar Disorder ? ?