Vodka scooter

[MrAngry]

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.

 

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Vodka Scooter.' The Vodka

Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk

by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Vodka Scooter works in the following

fashion:

 

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring

gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many

sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka

Scooter.

 

The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion

of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the

second question - after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'

 

Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries),

such as bruised legs, poorly toes and a sore spot on the top of your head..

 

An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of time

segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates

that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

 

This answers a third question after a night out, 'What the hell happened?

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately, one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.

 

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the

Scooter's navigation system to malfunction, thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

 

For the young ladies, Vodka Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that, no matter how quietly you tiptoe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your downstairs neighbours. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

 

The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS

(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 stolen Marlboro Lights in a single night, regardless of whether or not said person is a regular smoker or not.

 

P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get

home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit.

[Gaz Walker]

 

I've seen some of that before, but I see it has improved over the years