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JamieP

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My holiday trip to France.

 

My funny friend friend Bernard won a trip to France with the car club and I went with him. It was really really good and we drank lots of liquid that makes your head whizzy and everything seem really funny, even things that aren't funny normally like stones by the door.

 

I had to get out of bed very early on Friday morning at 01:30. My eyes were so sleepy and it was hard to wake up, but I had to get up in time to pick up Bernard from his house and drive to the choo choo train that goes under the sea.

 

We got to where the rich people had rooms and could sleep properly and wake up happy and Burna said I could have a McDonalds treat. Yummy!

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After we said hi to some friends it was time to go in convoy. Bernard said we had to "Buzz the Branners" so we drove by The Big Man. It was so much fun we came off the next junction and did it again.

 

At the tunnel our friends Mr Pig and Ben arrived, it was good to see them again but I think I could have done without the finger insertion when Mr Pig hugged me hello. I worry about him.

 

When we went to go on the train the nice man in the box said we had to go and talk to his friends. They did not look like happy men wearing gloves which for some reason made my anus retract. They stole my DNA and sent us on our way.

Bernard was happy they did not take his giant vibrating rubber friend away from him and his name was not on a black list after last year.

 

Now we could drive on to the train and Bernard, Little Pig and Mr Ben had beer for breakfast. What a strange thing to have in the morning!

 

Very soon it was time to get off the train and drive on the wrong side of the road. Some people got lost very quickly even before meeting at the petrol station outside the tunnel.

 

It was then time for the first drive to a town for din dins. Everybody stood around for a bit so me, Bernard, Little Pig and Mr Ben went to find some dinner. I wanted a sandwich which looked really good in the window, but Mr Ben said that was rubbish. There was a really good church, but Mr Ben said I could not go in because it was boring.

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We found a small restaurant which had lots of French people and an American guy and his wife. Little Pig invited them to our table. The American is called Brad and he was a very nice man. He told us all about his '97 Supra from America and Llamas.

 

Before we said what we want to eat the lady gave me this funny pink thing to eat. It tasted weird, I think Beetroot and Apple on top.

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Little Pig, Bernard and Mr Ben thought it tasted like some very naughty words.

 

There was some confusion over what the things were what we ordered, lots of pointing and guessing it was "neck of goose". I had quack quack with garlic and a healthy extra dollop of more garlic.

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The food was all yummy and it turned out to be in the Michelin guide.

 

On the way back to the car Little Pig said Mr Ben must run through the fountain, so he did. It is funny how Little Pig dominated Mr Ben and made him do bad things all weekend.

We were late back to the car.

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After some more driving we got to the hotel. Lots of people had to be very good friends and share one double bed. Thankfully Bernard and me had our own beds.

The hotel had some nice flowers.

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Something fell out of Havard's ear:

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At night we went to the Buffalo Grill and had a really big burger.

Mr Ben was sad because the waitress reminded him of an "evil, cheating back stabbing" naughty word so we all held his hand and made him think of better things.

Mr Ben said he would pay for me to ride the donkey machine which was nice of him, but some children were playing with it.

 

At the hotel everybody had a lot of beer and wine and said stupid funny things. It was really good.

 

Bernard, Little Pig and Mr Ben wanted to go into town so the taxi driver Abz who followed us all weekend took them to the train station at 23:15.

It was funny to then see them back at midnight because there was no train. Bernard went to the room and found I was not there. I beat Bernard at the staying up late competition!

 

In the night Bernard woke me with me with loud snorting and slurping noises which reminded of a bog creature. His snoring made the room shake so I hit him with a pillow.

He did not stop so I hit him two more times and said "please be quiet" in my best polite voice.

 

In the morning I was going to have a ride with my good old friend Ian Ian, but Bernard and Mr Ben had a different idea. Because it was nice and sunny I went along with driving my car with Mr Ben as my co driver.

 

Because Little Pig wanted to put stickers on his car we were last (except for Buzz Lightyear and Wonder Woman).

We were late. Again.

 

We had not been driving long when a police man on a motor bike stopped us to say hello. The really friendly policeman wanted my address so he could write to me. My French is not good, but I think he said my car was the best colour and he like it so much he gave me a score of 128 out of 90.

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My Iron Man costume was so good he got his autograph book out for me to sign, strangely I had to pay him for the autograph?

What funny police men!

 

I was sad the police man took all my money, but when we got to the little town with the boats Little Pig and Bernard had bought me and Mr Ben our own choo chop trains! They also split the money the policeman took off me and Little Pig bought dinner.

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My friends are the bestest in the whole word!

 

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Edited by Pete (see edit history)
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We had to eat fast because we were all going over the bridge.

We were late, but people had only just started to go.

The bridge was amazing!

 

After the bridges and the tunnel where Lui made my ears hurt we went to another town. Little Pig, Bernard and Mr Ben went straight to the bar and I went to wander around the town.

 

The food in the window looked beautiful.

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This church is said to be the most amazing in Normandy.

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I then saw a sign to the Templars Maison which sounded really good, but could not find it. I did not want to be late so went back to see the others. When I walked back I passed it!

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The people in the town dressed very strange.

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We then went back to the hotel. Mr Ben and Little Pig were chased off by the taxi police and went to the super market.

 

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They were a long long time and Bernard was left on his own.

 

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Mr Ben said later it is because Little Pig cannot shop like a man and just get beer - "he had to go up all the isles and look at everything like a girl."

 

We then went for a pizza in the rain, came back and drank some beer.

 

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Brad told us all about stones, the metric system and Texas. Oh, and his magic refilling whisky and coke bottle was very tasty.

 

In the morning the car park was clean and tidy.

 

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It rained so hard Little Pig and Mr Ben went home. We carried on to Boulogne and saw a big dome. Bernards eyes were not good so I said there was a man at the top waving so Bernard waved back.

It was a statue so we all laughed at Bernard.

 

Because the dinner took a long time we did not see much, so I took a photo of this map to look at when I got home.

 

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Me and Branners had a wee up this tree:

 

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We got back to the tunnel and the man in the box asked me some questions I did not know the answers to like "where have you been?" "What is there?" and "what did you see?". The man then said he was there for a couple of hours on duty and happy to wait until I could remember the answers. Luckily the answer was on the sticker on my window - Rouen. He also wanted to know if all the other cars were with us. Maybe it could have been a coincidence?

 

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I could remember what I had for dinner so I told him "chicken and chips". The nice lady said we should have had Moules and I said we did yesterday thank you. I wanted to tell him more but he looked bored and walked off. What a rude man!

 

After the train we followed a trail of oil to meet the others and say good bye.

 

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915.7 miles.

The End.

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contents of video:

 

- Thursday drive on coast road near Calais (2 Dutch cars)

- Some highway driveby (2:46)

- Hotel arrival

- Red light ticket by french police

- French kids waving

- Almost crash on Roundabout (red supra) (05:30)

- Honfleur carpark exit

- Toll bridge

- Some radio chatter about a wee brake (don't wee in the Do-Luck!)

- some GTR footage JamieP

 

Great video mate. Liking the walkie talkie chat!!

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And 2 bar boost iirc :D

 

Did you say you had a vid of me boosting outside the garage?

 

I think I have a sticky injector causing the odd flame issue!

 

p.s - 2 bar was an accident, turned it back down to 1.6 as only mapped it (what I call mapping) to 1.77

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Did you say you had a vid of me boosting outside the garage?

 

I think I have a sticky injector causing the odd flame issue!

 

p.s - 2 bar was an accident, turned it back down to 1.6 as only mapped it (what I call mapping) to 1.77

 

I have a couple of you boosting :D

 

When I get a mo I'll sift through and have a look, if I haven't it will be Mike that caught that :)

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