Gabriella Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 So this fella goes to the doctors, and he asks the doctor for some contraception. The doctor replies "certainly, is it for yourself?", he says "no, its for my daughter". The doctor says "no problem, how old is your daughter?". The fella replies "7". The doctor is startled, and says to the fella "your daughter is sexually active, at 7?" The fella replies "well, I wouldnt say active, she just sort of lies there, like her brother" Brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I was asked down to the morgue today to identify the body of my Father who had gone missing. I had to tell them it wasn't him though, not at todays funeral prices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham1984 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSd4IZDV9gCmoRHBa8qGchN7daIKuJ0vlIrwbFzHdBpSEZonBdq Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManwithSupra Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy... Gang rape Jimmy carr special that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjy Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Statisticly, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham1984 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Like Whitney Houston said in the song she wants to feel the heat with somebody.......... sadly it will be in the crematorium. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham1984 Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Loads of bad tasting jokes so pedo bear might as well be here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jellybean Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 To be Eight Again! A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since herbirthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World themepark. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, theWall of Fear, the Screaming RollerCoaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling andher stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal withextra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, whatwas it like being eight again? Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!' The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supra Kong Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 whilste we are posting the untastefull jokes, comic relief are apealing for as much help as possible this year. for just £5 you could buy mosquito net that will prevent thousands of poor mosquitos from catching aids every year. (hangs head, gets coat ) That's proper funny!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 To be Eight Again! A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since herbirthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World themepark. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, theWall of Fear, the Screaming RollerCoaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling andher stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal withextra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, whatwas it like being eight again? Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!' The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong. Proper LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jellybean Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Who Needs the Gym Giving .........head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories. Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth Having nice sex burnes 358 calories. Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories. Take off her clothes with her consent.........................12 cal without......................187 cal Take off her Bra With two hands..........................8 cal With one hand.........................12 cal With mouth.............................85 cal Put on Protection hard ........................... 6 cal soft..........................315 cal Foreplay Looking for target...................8 cal Finding G spot ......................92 cal I don't F***ing care.....................0 cal Entry Holding her..................12 cal On the floor.................8 cal With Different Position Missionary..........................358 cal Doggy...........................316 cal 69 lying...............................286 cal 69 standing.............................512 cal Italian hanger.........................912 cal Orgasm Real................................112 cal Faking................................315 cal After "O" Lying in Bed............................18 cal Hop off the bed............................36 cal Wondering why she left pissed off...........816 cal Get dressed Quiet and calm...........................32 cal Rushing.........................98 cal Heard her boyfriend opening the door.............1218 cal Heard her dad/2 yr old baby sista at the door.............1942 cal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jellybean Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 good ones! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Headroom Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 I am friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don't know Y Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted March 1, 2012 Author Share Posted March 1, 2012 I am friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don't know Y That made me chuckle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samsar Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?" The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. "No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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