tbourner Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I always use the cubicle anyway, never had that issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny g Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I use the cubicles. You can't use an iPad standing up, one handed, too well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snooze Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Fixed that for you: was it 'who's is the most handsome member' thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Oh toilet stories is it? (wibbly flashback fade-out) Due to a rather hectic schedule on our anniversary that prevented us doing anything celebratory, and coincident with me getting a fistful of cash at 7:00am this morning for punting off the only Audi I own with folding seats, we decided to push the boat a few inches away from the jetty of frugality by having lunch in our local Wetherspoons, gourmet burger and a pint £6.10, you can't beat it. I decide to go for a wee I enter the room to find it empty, excellant, but as I approach the reproduction "vintage" urinal, another bloke walks in behind me. This gives me Shycock Syndrome, and its a while before I can splutter forth with a reluctant drizzle of golden rain. Its a poorly designed urinal however, and does not protrude forth like the modern "egg section" ones do. Therefore I loudly clatter onto the vinyl floor, and all up my shoes and trousers. I have to stand so far into it to prevent this, I'm sure the guy next to me thinks I'm trying to morph into the wall, like Orpheus and the Mirror, but with p*** and porcelain. He walks off, without even washing his hands, the dirty so and so, thinks I from within the steaming interior of my urine-dripping glasshouse. I wash my hands, no soap and the taps don't stay on for more than 2.8 nanoseconds. Annoying. Now Wetherspoons don't skimp on the quality of their hand dryers, it was like a Rolls Royce Olympus on the wall. I remove my wedding ring, to dry under it and the jet blast whips it from my hand onto the floor. It all went a bit Frodo as I leapt for the falling gold ring, but it hit the floor and rolled right across until its motion was arrested by the small lake of my own cooling urine. Then I washed the p*** off my ring in the public lavvy and rejoined my wife for lunch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 LOL, I'm always thinking about Havard junior. AND Harvard senior .... sometimes Harvard senior with Havard junior together Shame Mrs H doesn't... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I can't recall the last time I used a urinal (when sober). This used to happen all too often. There's a fat guy at work that stands at the middle out of the three. I assume he either just wants to check some peckers out on lunch, or he's too fat to fit next to the wall without touching it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbourner Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Probably the same people who insist on parking next to you in an empty car park. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d-_-b Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 At least you could both be glad it wasn't one of the "tray" setups like u get in nightclubs - where it's quite clear neither of you are able to go as there's neither the inherant sound against the metal, nor the flow at the end Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbleapple Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Thanks guys. Need a wee now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I hope no one plots up right next to you mate. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew 007 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Just LOL at this thread.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonathanc Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Isn't it customary in cases like this to give each other a friendly tug? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjy Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Being a doorman, after work one evening, I (for some bizarre reason... Ok, I followed a nice pair of boobies from my venue!!) went to Liquid Envy. After being plied with Redbull and coffee, i took a trip to the stinking p!ss and vomit drenched bogs. Now, doorman code states that you must always use a cubicle to avoid a mid slash attack. Unfortunately, some dirty grot bag had vomited all over one cubicle, and some other delightful waste of skin had smeared sh!t all over the other! So, whilst having a wee wee in the communal steel trough, a drunk "rude bwoi" stood next to me and began to pee. Upon asking him to watch where his pee was going, and to stop splashing my arm, i was told to "go forth and multiply"! Luckily, the head doorman of said venue agreed with me, that a swift headbutt was justice enough. The fact that he was sat on the floor, willy still in hand, still weeing made it oh so much sweeter! Dirty scum bag! Manners don't cost a thing!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Seemed an appropriate place to put this... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caseys Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 http://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/ Is a great piece of maths about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 seemed an appropriate place to put this... :d Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 http://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/ Is a great piece of maths about it. That's actually really good, and I shall keep it for a time when I am in employment again and designing karzi's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 That's actually really good, and I shall keep it for a time when I am in employment again and designing karzi's. Cant wait to see your new designs!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjy Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Update: Being lashed up at a wedding lastnight, dying for a slash as the seal had been broken 3 wee's previously, (about 12 pints into the night), stood at the urinal (too lashed to care who was about), I received a text message. Whilst reading said message I was joined at the next door but one by the grooms father. After I pressed the reply button, i dropped my sodding phone! Luckily, my ninja like reactions stopped my phone landing in a puddle of pee, however, the ricochet from the side of my p!ss stone sent my phone between the other gentlemans legs. Waiting for a bloke to finish his slash to pick your phone up brings a whole new meaning "Awkward moment at the urinals"! Such a dick! No punn intended! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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