MaveriK Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 They had these whoopers sent back.... A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. I'll get me coat and close the door on the way out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil-NA Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Maverik has left the building. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Attero Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Worst jokes ever. Where's my shotgun... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaveriK Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Sorry, forgot me hat! Man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm "Excuse me but do you sell fish cakes?" "No" replies the assistant "Thats a pity, its his birthday" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilps Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Sorry, forgot me hat! Man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm "Excuse me but do you sell fish cakes?" "No" replies the assistant "Thats a pity, its his birthday" That's more like it! Never heard that one before... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Terrible. Have some Haribo. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1209383/Fathers-outrage-pornographic-Haribo-MAOAM-sweet-wrappers.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobbeh Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 LOL at the jokes Double LOL at the link above!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I heard today that the guy who designed the Titanic had a lisp. It's unthinkable..!! H. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Disgraceful, hang ur heads in shame!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Disgraceful, hang ur heads in shame!!! Maverik yes, me.....no..!! Roll on with some crap jokes. H. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Craig mkiv Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Dear Deidre I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my wife just stood there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Craig mkiv Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I was just viewing a woman's profile on a dating website: Blonde 33 From London Great Personality 5ft 3 Green Eyes. Dont get me wrong, I like short birds, but 3 green eyes? No wonder she can't find a bloke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewen Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Relationships are like a card game, You start off with 2 Hearts and Diamond.... Then you end up wishing you had a Club and a Spade.... My english teacher said if I think of an anagram for "rustle", she'll let me feel her tits. Result!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobbeh Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Sickipedia owns all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogmaw Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 These aren't groaners, I think I the only one who actually LOLs at these kind of jokes... Keep em comin' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Craig mkiv Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?' 'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty." When the doctor examined his wife a short time later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?' The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?' "Oh, that crazy old coot'' she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Craig mkiv Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 At first when my wife left I was upset and lonely, but since then I've bought a dog, had two different women and blew a grand on drink and coke........... she will go mental when she gets home from work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snooze Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I went to a zoo. There were no animals there except a single dog. It was a shih tzu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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