Guest Sakura Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 A little light relief on a really bad day... After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P for problem) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a Midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John_M Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, ... P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Why would there be Target Radar on a Qantas plane? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt_J Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Very good!!!!! P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a Midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sakura Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Why would there be Target Radar on a Qantas plane? Err, potential terrorist attack from seagulls? Target landing markers? I don't know - I'm just the messenger I should have known that you would find something amiss!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timwildman Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Quote: After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, ... P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Why would there be Target Radar on a Qantas plane? Why would there be IFF on a civil plane? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 First off, just like to say I still find these funny but......... The first rendition of this was originally out of the RAF in the late 60's/early 70's and refers to military aircraft, hence the mention of "Target Radar" and "IFF" (instrumentated friend or foe), also unfortunately Quantas does not have a perfect record anymore, a few years ago they had a 747 run off the end of the runway at Sydney after brake failure which severely damaged the aircraft, but luckily no injuries to crew or passengers. (Nose undercarriage collapsed and bent the fuselage like a banana) Sorry to be the anal spotter kill-joy type. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sakura Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 First off, just like to say I still find these funny but......... The first rendition of this was originally out of the RAF in the late 60's/early 70's and refers to military aircraft, hence the mention of "Target Radar" and "IFF" (instrumentated friend or foe), also unfortunately Quantas does not have a perfect record anymore, a few years ago they had a 747 run off the end of the runway at Sydney after brake failure which severely damaged the aircraft, but luckily no injuries to crew or passengers. (Nose undercarriage collapsed and bent the fuselage like a banana) Sorry to be the anal spotter kill-joy type. Someone has to be "it"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I thought they were funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARTIN R Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 . Made me smile on a otherwise difficult day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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