johnny g Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell ?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fukin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a c**t!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'c**t'next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're a c**t!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'c**t'calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,"Hi,this is John Smith from BT. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a c**t!" One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first c**t (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover c**t, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked."Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?""Steve, you're a c**t!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called c**t #1. Hello." "You're a c**t!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Steve Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, c**t," and hung up. Then I called c**t #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, c**t," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll do what?" I said. "I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, c**t, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Ilford . I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch two c**ts beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Your name isn't Steve though, is it? I'm confused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny g Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Clue: "Joke" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 Clue: "Joke" Eh? Your not David either. Hmm... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny g Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 Eh? Your not David either. Hmm... I'm not, but you're definately a .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! absolutely fookin brilliant, havent been on the forum for ages and upon my return this thread made it worth it! lol pi$$ing myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Attero Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 It would be funnier if you actually did this! Love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KamaSupra Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Nice story, I hate people who are c**ts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexJames Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Really? ..... what's your phone number? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJ Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 i'm not, but you're definately a .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jevansio Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Great build up, bit lacking in the end, overall 7/10, must try harder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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