tbourner Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 The thing is - to make a marriage work you have to go beyond a physical attraction. It's about existing with one person and working together as a team, being your complete self etc. If you BOTH feel comfortable having sex with other people then the trust is still there - although this kind of thing can lead to mistrust and resentment. Some friends of ours are having issues at the moment, both mid 20s, he wanted kids more than her but she did want one, so they've got a 2yo boy, since then her sex drive has fallen and his is still super high. They both think the other doesn't love them any more, cos of just wanting sex or not wanting it at all. Odd thing is me and the wifey are in the same position but the other way around, and we still get on great and no (major) issues - we see each other as best friends and love spending time together, she's made more compromises than me but has accepted that, don't think she'd agree to sleeping around even though she's the one who'd benefit most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Sounds like she's just busy having another 'child' in her life and he still needs the attention he had before the child came along. The key thing is constant talking. As soon as you stop saying how you feel it might as well be over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Even if I were told it was ok for me to sleep around when I wanted to, I'd either do it and feel really guilty, not want to do it anymore, or I couldn't even get a sh@g anyway I think I love my girlfriend too much to do that to her. I do get urges and obviously being male I would do pretty much any girl with a heartbeat but I don't think I could stand the guilt. One of my mates is a man whore and he says all the time how he'd love to have a relationship for the friendship side but he can't resist getting with any girl he can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imi Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 You're all really talking about a solution to address the GUY's need to fornicate - honestly how many of you would be OK with sharing your GF / Wife with another man / men? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kill1308 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I think if couples need to have sex with other people in order to keep their marriage alive, it's only a matter of time before it fails. I got married because I love and am devoted to my wife.... Still, each to their own I guess, if it works why not, but it's not something I'd do... it'll only cause resentment and jealousy further down the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 how many of you would be OK with sharing your GF / Wife with another man / men? In reality - I think very little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie_b Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 You're all really talking about a solution to address the GUY's need to fornicate - honestly how many of you would be OK with sharing your GF / Wife with another man / men? Probably only men into the cuckold lifestyle. PS if you're not sure what that means, don't google it at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Great thread but I doubt I am going to contribute a great deal here. I did what I think is the right way to go about things, I was pretty "active" up to the age of 19 when I met Mrs H. I felt by then I had got things out of my system (pardon the pun)..!! She ticked all my boxes and over the last 16 years we have had a great relationship, we have our ups and downs but we trust each other implicitly. We have two young boys and I have a daughter from a previous relationship, with full time work and the demands of a hectic lifestyle it is easy for a relationship to slip but you only get out of them what you put in ultimately. I must admit, if the missus gave me a free pass to play away, I still wouldn't. I will never understand "open" marriages as there was no point in getting married. I still don't understand people who play away either, it's not clever or difficult, just deceitful. My parents split when I was 14 because my dad was a bit of a player in Natwest. After seeing the turmoil that came when he finally left my mum, I wouldn't wish that on anyone and this is why I behave myself. If you are unsure how you would feel if you were to be unfaithful, have a wank..!! It will soon make you see how people make stupid decisions when they have a full sack..!! Just MO. H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imi Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 If you are unsure how you would feel if you were to be unfaithful, have a wank..!! It will soon make you see how people make stupid decisions when they have a full sack..!! . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TubbyTwo Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 marry another swinger. Problem solved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Great thread but I doubt I am going to contribute a great deal here. I did what I think is the right way to go about things, I was pretty "active" up to the age of 19 when I met Mrs H. I felt by then I had got things out of my system (pardon the pun)..!! She ticked all my boxes and over the last 16 years we have had a great relationship, we have our ups and downs but we trust each other implicitly. We have two young boys and I have a daughter from a previous relationship, with full time work and the demands of a hectic lifestyle it is easy for a relationship to slip but you only get out of them what you put in ultimately. I must admit, if the missus gave me a free pass to play away, I still wouldn't. I will never understand "open" marriages as there was no point in getting married. I still don't understand people who play away either, it's not clever or difficult, just deceitful. My parents split when I was 14 because my dad was a bit of a player in Natwest. After seeing the turmoil that came when he finally left my mum, I wouldn't wish that on anyone and this is why I behave myself. If you are unsure how you would feel if you were to be unfaithful, have a wank..!! It will soon make you see how people make stupid decisions when they have a full sack..!! Just MO. H. Great post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Great post. I would have agreed but it had the word w@nk in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt H Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 If you are unsure how you would feel if you were to be unfaithful, have a wank..!! It will soon make you see how people make stupid decisions when they have a full sack..!! Your wisest words H Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I would have agreed but it had the word w@nk in it. It's only a word and y'know, when all is said and done, there's nowt wrong with winking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dude Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I love driving my Range Rover as its nice and safe an comfortable, doesn't mean I don't get a buzz out of driving my supra and fireblade even though they are tempremental and try to kill me at any given opportunity:blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 It's only a word and y'know, when all is said and done, there's nowt wrong with winking. I like what you did there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I like what you did there too..!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Attero Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I did not however... you rude man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I did not however... you rude man. You can't see me but, rest assured, I am sitting here winking right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 You can't see me but, rest assured, I am sitting here winking right now. *shudder* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 You can't see me but, rest assured, I am sitting here winking right now. Ahahahahahaha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcAB10 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Would you be happy for a complete stranger to take your keys and go for a spin in your supra? The thing is, your theory seems to imply that the reason a marriage fails when someone cheats is the fact they lied about it, so by giving each half a guilt and lie free way of sleeping around would solve the issue. But IMO the reason someone would get so hurt from there other half being unfaithful is the fact they were with someone else, they allowed another person to share something that only you should have. They felt the need to seek something more than what they allready have.. It's not just the lie, it's the reasons that go along with it that can hurt someone the most... And even if you tried to make it 'lie free' the other reasons will still be there. If the person you are marrying doesn't fully fulfil you, then you shouldn't be getting married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Attero Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 You can't see me but, rest assured, I am sitting here winking right now. Expect a call from my lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Plethora Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 If there are no kids involved and it works for both of you I would say ok in a relationship but not marriage. On the other hand one of my friends has a kid and can't even remember the last time they slept together but seems unfair somehow for him to just put up with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.