Jamesy Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Ok, so I am not saying this is right or not, but more of a theory/discussion I was having the other night. The divorce rate is currently shocking and more and more marriages are falling apart. The majority of the time a marriage fails seems to be due to one or both people sleeping with someone else. Even if one person sleeps with someone else, and doesn't tell the other half, the guilt (for most) is unbearable and ultimately comes out eventually. Now what about a relationship where both people "agree" that if now and again, one wants to simply fulfil that desire to sleep with someone else, they can do it and not have to tell the other person in the relationship? If you have already agreed to this theory then you have no need to feel guilty as its kind of already agreed. Not talking about a non-exclusive marriage where you're out shagging every night, just the odd occasion when the situation might arise? Most people that do play away probably only do it because at the time they fancied a shag with someone, but they still want their family life/wife etc at home, its purely just the sex! Once its done they can happily go back to their married life with no feeling of guilt, as can the other person in the marriage/relationship. I know its a bit like wanting to have your cake and eat it (never quite understood the words in that saying but I know what it means!!) but if people in a relationship could play away every now and again without having to tell their other half, or feel guilty about it, it "could" keep peoples marriages together. I guess one person may always be having more "time away" than the other, or there might always be that niggling doubt in your mind every time the other was away, but hey, its a theory....didn't say if it was right or wrong!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian W Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Kinda defeats the whole purpose of getting married to me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Kinda defeats the whole purpose of getting married to me... Yeah true, but what about if you've been married for say 10 or 20 years, still like being married and your family, but also would quite like to have one night of fun every now and then ... being married and staying true to one woman is (for some) a bit tricky!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz6002 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 There are websites and bowls on coffee tables for people like you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 There are websites and bowls on coffee tables for people like you lol, i didnt say ME mate, im putting a discssion out there .... i had the same discussion with my wife last night Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTRickeh Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Half of the appeal is probably wanting someone you can't have, so if you were told ok you can sleep with someone else, you might not really want to anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Attero Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 This is why I'm getting more and more against marriages. Vowels mean nothing. I don't trust anyone, not even myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTRickeh Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 This is why I'm getting more and more against marriages. Vowels mean nothing. I don't trust anyone, not even myself. They must mean something, you've used a few Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz6002 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Vowels mean nothing. You'd be lost without them though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradleyh_15 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 It will all get messy in the end in my opinion! If your not in it for the long hall then don't make the commitment! I can see where u are coming from though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellis Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Vowels mean nothing. Too true, A and E do my tree in but I'm kinda fond of I, O and U! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellis Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Ok, so I am not saying this is right or not, but more of a theory/discussion I was having the other night. The divorce rate is currently shocking and more and more marriages are falling apart. The majority of the time a marriage fails seems to be due to one or both people sleeping with someone else. Even if one person sleeps with someone else, and doesn't tell the other half, the guilt (for most) is unbearable and ultimately comes out eventually. Now what about a relationship where both people "agree" that if now and again, one wants to simply fulfil that desire to sleep with someone else, they can do it and not have to tell the other person in the relationship? If you have already agreed to this theory then you have no need to feel guilty as its kind of already agreed. Not talking about a non-exclusive marriage where you're out shagging every night, just the odd occasion when the situation might arise? Most people that do play away probably only do it because at the time they fancied a shag with someone, but they still want their family life/wife etc at home, its purely just the sex! Once its done they can happily go back to their married life with no feeling of guilt, as can the other person in the marriage/relationship. I know its a bit like wanting to have your cake and eat it (never quite understood the words in that saying but I know what it means!!) but if people in a relationship could play away every now and again without having to tell their other half, or feel guilty about it, it "could" keep peoples marriages together. I guess one person may always be having more "time away" than the other, or there might always be that niggling doubt in your mind every time the other was away, but hey, its a theory....didn't say if it was right or wrong!! It's a great idea but I think somebody invented it already - it's called Being Single! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTRickeh Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Too true, A and E do my tree in but I'm kinda fond of I, O and U! I'm not fond of U at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradleyh_15 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Too true, A and E do my tree in but I'm kinda fond of I, O and U! Poor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie_b Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Not sure if many ladies would be happy with that arrangement. lol, i didnt say ME mate, im putting a discssion out there .... i had the same discussion with my wife last night And you're still living at home today? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caseys Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Find a wife that'd want to share other ladies with you then is the best of both worlds? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Not sure if many ladies would be happy with that arrangement. And you're still living at home today? Ha - yeah my misses is cool mate, although she'll take some seriously convincing on this little theory!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wez Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Interesting theory Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbourner Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 STIs, babies and sloppy seconds. It's a 'no' from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wez Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 STIs, babies and sloppy seconds. It's a 'no' from me. Subaru`s aren't that bad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 STIs, babies and sloppy seconds. It's a 'no' from me. There's always those rubbery old condoms you can use to prevent that.... (or the Gary of course!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Some people do have active polyamory relationships. I know a girl who is married but has a female partner, and her husband has another relationship. Slightly different scenario than just having relations with someone but it does happen. The thing is - to make a marriage work you have to go beyond a physical attraction. It's about existing with one person and working together as a team, being your complete self etc. If you BOTH feel comfortable having sex with other people then the trust is still there - although this kind of thing can lead to mistrust and resentment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbourner Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 There's always those rubbery old condoms you can use to prevent that.... (or the Gary of course!!) Most people that do play away probably only do it because at the time they fancied a shag with someone, but they still want their family life/wife etc at home, its purely just the sex! Most people that do that would be a quicky in the hotel with the secretary (for example *ahem*) and may not be 'prepared' for the event? I know its a bit like wanting to have your cake and eat it (never quite understood the words in that saying but I know what it means!!) It means you can't have your cake, and also eat it, cos if you eat it you don't have it any more, but if you want to have it (ie: keep it) then you can't eat it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamesy Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 If you BOTH feel comfortable having sex with other people then the trust is still there - although this kind of thing can lead to mistrust and resentment. That's probably the biggest issue, and you wont know until if/when it happened!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlotte Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 That's probably the biggest issue, and you wont know until if/when it happened!! I guess when you're with someone for so long you get to know 'what they like'. If it was the case that you both enjoyed having sex with other people, you'd probably know about it before then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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