Friday Paraprosdokian's

[MaveriK]

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a

sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the

reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is

frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

 

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I

stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and

beat you with experience.

 

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not

screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

 

Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than

standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the

list.

 

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear

bright until you hear them speak.

 

Ø If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

 

Ø We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

 

Ø War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

 

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it

in a fruit salad.

 

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the

cheese.

 

Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then

proceed to tell you why it isn't.

 

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many

is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a

train stops. My desk is a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes

a whole box to start a campfire?

 

Ø Some people are like Slinkies .... not really good for anything,

but you can't help smiling when you push one down the stairs.

 

Ø Dolphins are so smart, that within a few weeks of captivity they

can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

 

Ø I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

 

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that

you don't need it.

 

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In case

of an emergency, notify - - -", I put "DOCTOR."

 

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

 

Ø I saw a chesty woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...

So I said "Implants?"

 

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion

stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the

street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

 

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president

and 50 for Miss America?

 

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a

successful man is usually another woman.

 

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

Ø You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute

to sky dive,,,, twice.

 

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good

ideas!

 

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

 

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way

that you will look forward to the trip.

 

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even

if you wish they were.

 

Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live

with.

 

Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be

devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my

foot.

 

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

 

Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so

they can't get away.

 

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

 

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of

lemon... and a shot of tequila.

 

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire

Department usually uses water.

 

Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid..

 

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever

you hit the target.

 

Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

 

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it

as opposed to when you are in it.

 

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some

people have more than one child?

 

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

Ø When something works just fine,, DON'T fix it !!!

 

Ø Insanity is contagious, you get it from your children.

 

Ø Hire a teenager,, while they still know everything.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance"

 

[Havard]

Some good ones there..!!