gaz1 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely. My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak. I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit. After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing. A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part." Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think. 2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were Hovis Witnesses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter richards Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 bored gaz, lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Criiiiiiiiinge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
straightsix Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Kindly leave the stage.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewOW Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I giggled (mildly) to a few of those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
straightsix Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 What do you call a cat with no whiskers? Hungry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
straightsix Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 What does a giraffe have for lunch? An hour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hobgoblin Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Slovak lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jord Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Haha these are awful. Some of these gave me a chuckle at work though. I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonyP Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing. Not funny. Just true:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adnanshah247 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing. Not funny. Just true:( i pmsl! lol Gaz dont quit your day job mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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