Luxluc Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Really sorry to hear this Mr Nuts. I was in a similar situation a few years ago when there were suspicions that my ex was pregnant. She cliamed that the child wasn't mine and that I should fook off out of her life..... 2 years later the mother loses her job and decides to claim benefits and had to tell the social who she thought the childs father was, she put me on the form and the CSA came knocking..!! Took me another two years to force a DNA test and then finally met my daughter when she was 5 and a half. Some women are absoulutely mental and seem to think that having a child gives them the right to treat people like $#@!. Eventually she has grown up and we almost have a sensible relationship, now my daughter is 15. I'll never understand what she was thinking all those years ago. You result is the opposite Mr Nuts, but for 4 years I didn't know if I had a child or not..... H. That's crazy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supraturbochris Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 thats horrible mate, feel for you. But............ you have been there for that little girl from day one, so dont stop. I know it might be hard because of what you have found out but where has her real father been? Im sure you have done a excellent job bringing her up. dont stop for the little girls sake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 That's awful. Sorry to hear this. Hope everything's ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooquicktostop Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 I agree, but i cant be her dad anymore, its not fair on her, me, or my ;partner Thats not the case, I found out after 4 years of being a dad to a wonderful little girl, I am still the dad to a wonderful little girl and she is now 10, it was never her fault Time is a great healer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooter Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 thats horrible mate, feel for you. But............ you have been there for that little girl from day one, so dont stop. I know it might be hard because of what you have found out but where has her real father been? Im sure you have done a excellent job bringing her up. dont stop for the little girls sake sorry but I 100% disagree..........she is 1 and he and mum are not together........she has a new fella and there is potentially soon to be the real dad on the scene (you can't blame him for not being around now he doesn't even know!)......how is all that going to work? ..........it's bad enough going through all the ups and downs of this sort of thing when the kid is yours but bordering on masochism to do that now.......different if this was a grown up kid but it isn't........I think he just has to take time to come to terms with this and move on Igenuinely think thats best for all concerned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Time is a great healer Well said Dean. I never imagined my life would be as happy as it is now. From all the stress of the situation, the CSA breathing down my neck, solicitors bills etc I could never see it being like this. Mr Nuts, if you want to be this little girls dad so much I thonk you should persue it. Can you not talk to the mother? H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Have to agree with Scooter. Get the hell out of there, try to forget all about it and live a better life without that women in it. When I read the first post, my initial reaction was "good news." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexJames Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Feel for you dude, thats a tough one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purity14 Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Sounds like mother shot herself in the foot, she will be more concerned in extracting money out of the biological dad at the moment, if you want to talk logically with her - id wait for that to blow over. She might even find that the biological dad is unemployed - and will 'settle with' accepting money from you in exchange for access. Either way, I can't relate; so my opinion is from an outside perspective and I hope it goes well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Not sure what to say mate. Thats mind numbing that someone would do that to you! Some good advice here, far better than I could give you. One thing that seems pretty clear is you are much better off without that woman. If she's capable of that, what else could she do? Take care fella. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penguin Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 what a bi7ch. I really hope she realises what she's done!!! as been said before matey- chin up, you'll make an awesome dad one day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil_Nuts Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 Well said Dean. I never imagined my life would be as happy as it is now. From all the stress of the situation, the CSA breathing down my neck, solicitors bills etc I could never see it being like this. Mr Nuts, if you want to be this little girls dad so much I thonk you should persue it. Can you not talk to the mother? H. Firstly I want to say thankyou to everyone who has left a comment, I felt I needed to gauge an opinioned that was un biased like from those who know me well, your words have helped so much. Obviously, all i've done all weekend is think about what to do, I havent seen Maisies mum for over 7 months (she wouldn't tell me where Maisie was living or her medical details) but all contact was through Maisies gran and grandad, who incidently are awesome. I found out by text that she was expecting by text, and that thatvery afternoon she was going for an abortion, i then got a text 2 days later syaing she was 28 weeks, too far for a termination, i met up with the mother and told her that I would stand by her, provide for my child and do the right thing by my book, and i was even really excited too. She then over the next week told me she didn'nt want her and I would have to have her or she'd have her adopted, I again kn ew i wasn't going to let my child go, by this point I so wanted her. Obviously we only had 3 months to go, so I did the whole anti natal classes, I made a nursery at my house, bought everything, and even had social services and the midwife round to make sure I could be the primary care giver. At this time, Maisies mums boyfriend dumped her for being pregnant. On the last trip to veiw the birthing suite, we came out, and she saw someone she knew, she left me got into this as yet un known persons car and left, when i got back to mine her car was gone. I finally got thru to her on the phone the next day and she insisted it was her brother. I now know it was her ex, the next week she said i couldn't be at the birth and she was back with the ex. Oh yeah, and now she wanted THEM to be a family. I was proper head mashed, by now, she was due in just over a fortnight, I kept texting until the next week i was told Maisie was here, she was 2 days old, she said i couldn't meet her until another 2 days, and here becomes the beginning of a year of lies... She put my name on the birth cert, and the past year she would only let me see her 7 hours every 2 sundays. Those sundays have been the best of my life, i will never regret them, I loved being a dad, showing Maisie off and watching her grow. We had a first birthday party on the 10th of Oct, and just over a week later, this happened, (see origional post) I'll never stop loving her, or forget the smiles she had when we strapped in the Supra....Maisie, I love you, I hope and wish you nothing but happiness....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 I'm gutted for you mate. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling. You are stuck right between a rock and a hard place and I simply couldn't advise you on the best course of action. It's a fight between your own head and your own heart. In my opinion you are doing the right thing. As long as the Mum is going to be a good responsible parent it is probably best to leave things, as much as it hurts. I don't have any emotional connection to the sitaution though so that is purely a logical way of thinking to save hurt and confusion in the future. I sincerely hope things work out for you and Maisie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil_Nuts Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 Thanks Scott, this has knocked me for six, but I'll be ok, just been on the phone with the CSA and after her syaing she hasnt had my money, they've just turned round and said this months has gone into her account this morning.....my missus has hit the roof, she's determained to get my 3k back.......I can't believe she's played games with her daughters life...........stupid girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil_Nuts Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 Well said Dean. I never imagined my life would be as happy as it is now. From all the stress of the situation, the CSA breathing down my neck, solicitors bills etc I could never see it being like this. Mr Nuts, if you want to be this little girls dad so much I thonk you should persue it. Can you not talk to the mother? H. With relations so bad between the mother and myself....plus the fact, and i feel bad for this, i simply can't look at Maisie knowing she's not mine, I just need to let her get on with her life......i'm so gutted she isnt mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Thanks Scott, this has knocked me for six, but I'll be ok, just been on the phone with the CSA and after her syaing she hasnt had my money, they've just turned round and said this months has gone into her account this morning.....my missus has hit the roof, she's determained to get my 3k back.......I can't believe she's played games with her daughters life...........stupid girl! Have you been paying the CSA without a DNA test then? All based on one womans say so? H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Septic Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Wow this is soul-detsroying stuff just to read. I really do feel for you but you are doing the right thing. Time heals all wounds and we're here to help even though we can't really do much. All my prayers and best wishes to you. In time I am hopeful it will all work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooter Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 With relations so bad between the mother and myself....plus the fact, and i feel bad for this, i simply can't look at Maisie knowing she's not mine, I just need to let her get on with her life......i'm so gutted she isnt mine! I understand completely but don't feel bad you are doing the right thing, there is only one person to blame for all this, you did all you could and went further than most guys would have in the same circumstances (the Grandparents would recognise this I'm sure) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SupraStar 3000 Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 I'll never stop loving her, or forget the smiles she had when we strapped in the Supra....Maisie, I love you, I hope and wish you nothing but happiness....... Gosh! I'm really quite emotional after that. Really hope you manage to to sort things out. IF you want her in your life, FIGHT for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil_Nuts Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 Have you been paying the CSA without a DNA test then? All based on one womans say so? H. Yeah.......I had no reason to think not, dates matched up, I guess I'm too trusting.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Yeah.......I had no reason to think not, dates matched up, I guess I'm too trusting.. You are one up on me mate.... That said, in my case the girl in question was knocking around with 3 different blokes in the space of 5 weeks.... I am not sure where you lie legally with the CSA. I am sure they will have terms in place to ensure they don't return money given to them by people who aren't actually the father.... H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil_Nuts Posted October 25, 2010 Author Share Posted October 25, 2010 to be honest, it's not the money that bothers me........it's the lack of sleep I'm getting right now......yawn! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abz Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 to be honest, it's not the money that bothers me........it's the lack of sleep I'm getting right now......yawn! Go on fella hit the sack, you don't deserve to be losing any sleep, you've lost enough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaveriK Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Gosh! I'm really quite emotional after that. Really hope you manage to to sort things out. IF you want her in your life, FIGHT for her. Ditto on all three counts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilps Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Gosh! I'm really quite emotional after that. Really hope you manage to to sort things out. IF you want her in your life, FIGHT for her. I've been in a different, but related, situation which I found extremely difficult. Yours makes mine look like a walk in the park. All the best mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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