Well, they made me laugh

[MaveriK]

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999.

Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her"

Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?"

CLICK,BANG

Paddy "OK, done that, what next?

 

 

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.

Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good is that?

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm having that!"

Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"

The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya bastard yer in that basket "

 

I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Aunt’s dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

 

I'll get my coat

[Stonkin]

[AndrewOW]

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm having that!"

 

 

Thoughts of Blackie come to mind

[adnanshah247]

loved the first one and the camera one.

[Rob_Mitchell]

very good, i started to miss your threads

[AlexJames]