edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Hey Guys, I have a small issue to discuss with you all. My partner/fiancee and I bought a 2 bedroom flat a couple of months ago and moved into it. We only use one of the bedrooms. So the other one is pretty much unused though we have two double beds in each of them. My partner's got a childhood friend. Her friend got married a few years ago and got busy with her life. They stopped talking to each other for the last 3 years and got on with their lives, nothing major/unpleasant has happened between them. A few months ago (4 months) she got in touch with my partner and arranged to come around to our flat one evening. Only then she told my partner that she now have an affair with some other guy behind the back of her husband for the last 1 year and she is in two minds about it and unable to make a decision. Now 6 weeks ago she told my partner that she want to get a divorce and stay away from both the guys to have a clear mind to make a decision and she was looking for a room to move out quickly. Looking at her situation we offered her to stay in our second bedroom until she gets her things sorted and she moved in. The beginning of this week she decided to move out (may be moving in with the new guy) and wants to move out on coming sunday. We obviously said we dont have a problem with that. Later she said that she wants us (me and my partner) to meet her friend, so we arranged to go for a dinner on saturday. Just yesterday(thursday) she said that she would like to invite her friend to our flat to help her with packing her stuff as she wants is moving out on Sunday. Though we know that she only got a couple of bags of stuff with her, we said we are ok with that. We actually planned to go out today evening to the films but we cancelled it as she invited her friend to come over to our place. Her friend came to our flat today(friday) @ 8:30. Though he came to our flat on the pretence of helping my partners friend to pack her stuff, all he did is to sit in our living room chatting with us and drinking wine. We have no problem with that and we had an hour of good chat. Only then I found out that he works in IT, loves football and owns a TT supra and also an ex member of this forum. So we had a few things common to chat about. Then I left the living room and went to my other room to do some pending work. Later on he turned out to be an an ego centric, arrogant and rude prick (or least his constant cheeky behaviour made my partner feel like this). He was being rude both to my partner and to her friend. How my partner's friend and her guy treat each other is non of our business. But my partner felt uncomfortable talking to him and found him to be rude. He stayed until 23:45 and then comes the big question. My partner's friend asked my partner infront of this guy whether he can stay overnight in her room. My partner clearly said to her that she is not expecting this and she is totally uncomfortable about the prospect of him staying over night. She felt that she dont know him yet as this being the first meeting and she found this strange that her friend is putting her in this position. Then the guy left our flat immediately banging the door and not even saying goodbye. I was not in the living room and was totally oblivious to what was happening until I heard the bang of the door. I felt very upset the way he treated me and my partner. I also felt very upset that her friend put us in an uncomfortable situation though it is her who wanted her friend to meet us and be pals. I am a bit upset about how things panned out My partner's friend is not happy either and she blames us that we dont trust her friend, even though we have no problems with trusting him. She says that we might have told her before, that we will feel uncomfortable to meet her friend even though we clearly said to her that we are only uncomfortable for him to stay overnight and continue on the drinking session. We would like to have our own privacy and dont want anybody to bother us. What would you guys have done if something like this happens to you? Do you let this guy stay overnight in your flat and feel uncomfortable or do you do the same thing as we did and say no? Is it right for this guy to come to our flat stay for more than 3 hours chatting and drinking, use our hospitality and then go away with out saying even goodbye? I found this quite rude and uncivilized. Is it right for my partner's friend to ask my partner whether he can stay overnight knowing that we dont know him that well and this is our first meeting? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave17 Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 It's your home mate, I would've exactly the same thing, you've been more than reasonable. If it was me I'd probably be evicting this so called friend tommorow morning as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 I dont see what we have done wrong in here. My partner's friend seems to believe that though she is thankful that we gave her the room to stay, she thinks we should have trusted this guy and let him stay overnight (though we dont have any problem with trusting this guy). Then she goes on to blame us for not saying no to meet him in the first place. We were not even thinking about meeting this guy until my partner's friend insisted that we meet him. She doesnot get the simple thing that we dont have a problem with meeting this guy but we are uncomfortable for him to stay overnight! This whole thing spoiled the evening for us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Konrad Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Tell her to follow her rude bloke, why are you worried? It's your home, meeting someonefor a chat and drink does NOT mean you will have to let him sleep in your own house ffs! If your partners friend want to shag someone, she can always pop in with her boy to closest Travelodge! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 Thank god she is leaving on Sunday! Just one more day to go ... after that, looking at what happened, we dont have to see them again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty71 Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 I wouldnt let someone I had just met stop........ good on ya both:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 All we wanted is to have our privacy and left alone with our lives!! My partner's friend has no respect for that. Hope things dont turn bad to worse tomorrow. If not, our weekend would be totally screwed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dan1985 Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 totally agree here, its your house. some guy who you dont know asking to stay over on the first meet. totally wrong. i would have said no straight off the bat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morpheus Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 The main issue here is communication. Your friend isn't talking to her husband openly and looking elsewhere for what she could probably still get from him. People change but one only outgrows the other if they don't share their thoughts. Spend today gently finding out what made her leave her husband and letting her know that she may be making a big mistake with this new man. She came to you for help and although it isn't easy, try to help her but be firm about her boyfriend's behaviour. Not everyone can work things out for themselves, even though they may seem obvious to us. Ask her husband his version of events and always keep things mature and sensible. Chances are her new bloke couldn't care less about her anyway, so I think that you should urge her to return home and put it all down to experience (or inexperience!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evinX Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Your home is your place of peace...so its your call everytime, someone with his attitude needs a good kick up the arsch. I had a 'mate' like that once, we hung out every weekend, first few weeks were ok, then he just started to act like a prat and talk constant crap...so i just cut him of, end of. Nobody can come in to my parents home and act a fool, or its game over for them. Dont feel bad, you dont need to feel uncomfy in your home:) asking someone for a room, then getting refused and throwing a tantrum? from a grown up man? waste of space if you ask me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 The main issue here is communication. Your friend isn't talking to her husband openly and looking elsewhere for what she could probably still get from him. People change but one only outgrows the other if they don't share their thoughts. Spend today gently finding out what made her leave her husband and letting her know that she may be making a big mistake with this new man. She came to you for help and although it isn't easy, try to help her but be firm about her boyfriend's behaviour. Not everyone can work things out for themselves, even though they may seem obvious to us. Ask her husband his version of events and always keep things mature and sensible. Chances are her new bloke couldn't care less about her anyway, so I think that you should urge her to return home and put it all down to experience (or inexperience!). Good piece of advice mate! We actually tried this a few months ago as she has known her husband for almost 10 years. All she said is that she finds him boring and she wants to move on. She did have her own share of arguments/quarrels with the new guy aswell and after meeting him today I am sure she is on a very steep slippery slope. I just think she is too stupid to see the right side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morpheus Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Good piece of advice mate! We actually tried this a few months ago as she has known her husband for almost 10 years. All she said is that she finds him boring and she wants to move on. She did have her own share of arguments/quarrels with the new guy aswell and after meeting him today I am sure she is on a very steep slippery slope. I just think she is too stupid to see the right side. See, 'boring' husband and she's reaching her sexual peak as his declines into oblivion; needs to get down the gym! Tell them to both join up and get fit again. Bring back some pzazzz to the relationship or seek marriage counselling to be told the same thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricky49 Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 I would of done the same thing. They shouldn't expect to be able to stay over after the first meet. Your partners friends should of not put you both in that situation especially if your partner felt uncomfortable at him been rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jevansio Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 I agree 100% with you, you did nothing wrong & shouldn't have any bad feelings in you about what happened Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy442 Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 As above, its your home,you dont need to feel bad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havard Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Your having your good nature abused from the sounds of it. I think your partners friend has had enough free lodgings and should have got out weeks ago. You did the right thing. We are a hospitable couple with an "open" house for our friends and family but I would draw the line if I felt that someone was pushing the limits. What was next, was she going to ask him to move into your spare room..... H. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terminator Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Your home, they are both guests, they both should be ashamed of them selves for for considering it. I would have to know someone very well before I would give them a bed for the night. Don't give it another thought, there are more important things to do. No is a powerful word, not used often enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supe Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Not sure if someone has already said, just be careful on what you say... I know you haven't said anything wrong but him being an ex Supra owner, there is always a possibility he may see this thread which could lead to further arguments etc. Save yourself from more problems Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedM Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 The important question to ask is just who was this ex-member? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 The important question to ask is just who was this ex-member? No idea, I could not remember his username. But he is from here and his car is in west lothian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 Thanks guys, you are all right and I think we did the right thing to say no. My partner and her childhood friend were not in contact for the last 3 years after she got married to a guy whom she was with the previous 7 years. During these 3 years of her post marriage my partner tried to contact her a few times but never received any response. They are not that close friends anymore. My partner's friend was having an affair with this new guy for 1 year and have been living a lie with her husband. We should not have given her the room in the first place. Only thought this would help her to not to live a lie and make a decision about her life but we obviously made a mistake. Hopefully she moves out tomorrow with out any hassle and we can have peace of mind and privacy to ourselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManwithSupra Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 You have not done anything wrong mate. Its your house so your rules, if your partners freind respects their freindship then there should not be any tension or issues when you say no to something as she should respect your house. If there is tension it shows what her true colours are. I done extactly the same thing before in my house, ok nothing to do with an affair but still the same situation with the whole uncomfortable staying over situation, although my freinds said ok, not a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 When you ask a question for which the answer can be either a YES or a NO, then you should prepare yourself to deal with either of the answers even before asking a question and stop behaving childish and expect the answer to be favourable to you at all times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGav Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 I say to people who come to my house, my rules! if you don't like it... well Eddie Murphy said it best....(Swearing, so NSFW) j2AIqYVZ7gc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edinlexusV8 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Share Posted June 5, 2010 ... This is my house ..... :rlol::rlol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.